FLASHBACK 1978

REPEAT because it's the last day of "safe at home" week (8/26~8/30) and it's kind of relevant...
"on a gathering storm comes a tall, handsome man...in a long dusty coat with a red right hand"
we were all 12 and 13 years old. we couldn't drive. we were at the mercy of our parents, or our feet, to get us where we were going. so, wherever we went, it had to be close. so we all met at colony square. we had the video arcade (saturn 3). we had the cinema. our parents dropped us off, and expected that we would behave. and, by behave, i mean...we wouldn't go see rated r movies. bahahahahahahahaha!!
we saw them all. halloween (parts 1 and 2). friday the 13th (1 thru 4). mother's day. motel hell. dawn of the dead. the evil dead.
FLASH FORWARD today
so...i'm in the closet, putting away clothes. the dog and the cat have followed me in there. the bk? he's at work. i hear a thump in the living room. maddie hears it, too. the hair on her back is standing straight up. ummmm...what do i do now? i can't run...the only way out is thru the living room. i can't scream...whatever caused the thump would hear me. eventually, i come to my senses. the front door is dead bolted and chained. the only way in is thru the screened door and i live on the 2nd floor. i determine i'm perfectly safe, unless, of course, ninja zombies are attacking.

and this gets me thinking...what exactly AM i supposed to do if, in fact, i am thrown into a horror flick? the dumb chick, who always happens to be blond (aaarrrggghhh), runs upstairs when she should be running out of the house. but what if upstairs is your only choice? what IF the only way out is blocked by a serial killer? and why do the victims always hide in the obvious places? under a blanket. in the closet. behind the couch. but, if you think about it, unless you live in a mansion with hidden rooms and tunnels, there really isn't a good place to hide. hmmmmmm....
i've assessed my surroundings and i've come up with a plan. a fool~proof plan that, to the untrained eye, will appear to be simple prep for fire safety:

#1~assess your home and note two ways out of every room. if the serial killer is coming thru the door, obviously you can't go out it.
#2~establish a meeting place outside...a safe distance from your house. 
#3~get a fire extinguisher, preferably an abc type (good for multiple types of fires from combustible to electrical). not only will it put out a fire but it can be used to disorient your attacker while you make your escape.
#4~if you live in a two~story home, or the second floor of an apartment building, invest in a fire escape ladder. if you get injured trying to jump out you will never escape. 

all this, and my impressive ninja skills, should protect ME from fire and jason vorhees...you, however, are on your own :)