"anticipation...anticipation...is making me wait..." ketchup. the greatest condiment in all the world. one problem though. it comes in a glass bottle and you have to wait forever for it to pour out. or. OR...you pop the bottle on the bottom and ALL of the ketchup ends up on your plate. so, heinz ketchup comes up with the greatest jungle of all time...carly simon's "anticipation"...such an amazing jingle, no one will ever be able to hear that song without thinking of heinz. ever. FLASH FORWARD new year's eve 2001 the boys have some friend's over. as soon as the ball drops, i go to bed. the boys start video taping themselves doing jacka$$ type stunts on dares. i wake up to no evidence anything has gone on. except. when i fix some fries i can't find any ketchup. all the purple and green ketchup is gone. hmmmmmm...so i ask the boys. of course they have no idea. why would they? and, then, the giggles start. one of them fesses up. out comes the video. poor stephen is covered in purple and green ketchup and singing "i love you, you love me...we're a happy family...". i'm too amused to be angry. FLASH FORWARD today heinz ketchup is still our number one choice. no other brand will do. but there is no need to sing "anticipation" because it now comes in a plastic, squeezable bottle. immediate satisfaction. but the song is still stuck in my head..... other jingles that will always be stuck in my head:
double your pleasure double your fun: wrigley's spearmint gum
"a sack full of toys means a sack full of joys..." the boys wake me up with giggling and squealing. it's 5am, christmas morning. not only has santa been by and loaded them down with presents, but the grandparents, and their uncle, have sent a box full of gifts. they rip through all the paper, sticking bows on each other's heads. "oh! wow!! this is cool!!". "this is mine!! i love it!!". "look at this mama!!". then, they open them. large packages from my lil bro. machine guns. machine guns that make LIFE~LIKE noise. machine guns that, upon inspection, have batteries that CANNOT be removed. ack! all christmas day....BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!!!! early the next morning...RAT A TAT TAT TAT!!! on...and on...and on...and on...and on...ugh FLASH FORWARD today i am perusing the internet and notice an article about unsafe toys this holiday season. what makes a toy dangerous? lead paint continues to be a problem. phthalates, used to soften pvc, are known to cause changes in hormone levels and birth defects. extremely strong magnets can pinch fingers and are a choking hazard. obviously, small parts pose a choking hazard. and, the surprise to me...noisy toys! did you know that there is a limit of 65 decibles for toys? if a toy exceeds 85 decibles, prolonged exposure can cause gradual hearing loss! i am NOW blaming my lil bro for the hearing loss in my right ear...instead of rock concerts, blaring my stereo, the scarring on my ear drum (caused by a combination of q~tip and jumping toddler), or the ear canal that is smaller than it's supposed to be. nope...it's all lil bro and those stupid NOISY machine guns... so...what toys should you avoid this year? the 2012 trouble in toyland reports the following:
dragster cars (toys 'r us): small parts, choking hazard
bowling game (dollar plus store): small parts, choking hazard
toy food (walmart): choking hazard
dora backpack (target): contains phthalates
morphbot (dollar tree): contains lead
snake eggs (dollar tree): choking hazard
dora guitar (target): noisy, exceeds 85 decibles
car wheel/horn (toys 'r us): noisy, exceed 85 decibles
i wake up and post a blog. i realize what day this is in history...a glimpse around our apartment will tell you this is a true statement...yet i post about the history of christmas trees. i get a text almost as soon as i post. "i'm surprised your blog isn't about john lennon today". i thought about it but it's also jim morrison's birthday so i was torn. "yeah, i get it". bridgette KNOWS me...she may not always UNDERSTAND me, but she knows me. so, then, it bugged me all. day. long. so i came up with a solution. two...two...two blogs in one. and a day late...so neither of them can haunt me over picking one over the other... FLASHBACK 9 oct 1940 "you may say i'm a dreamer..." john winston lennon is born. in liverpool, in wartime england. to julia and alfred. though he lives with his aunt and uncle, julia visits often. she introduces him to elvis records and teaches him the banjo. first song he learned to play? "ain't that a shame" by fats domino. FLASH FORWARD 8 dec 1943 "no one remembers your name...when your strange" james douglas morrison is born. in melbourne, florida. to clara and (future rear admiral general) george. when jim is 4, he witnesses a car accident in which a family of native americans dies. he considers this the most formative event in his life and will mention it in spoken word (dawn's highway) and song (peace frog and ghost song). as a navy brat, he will spend his childhood moving from base to base. he loves to read and is greatly influenced by philosophers and poets. FLASH FORWARD february 1964 beatlemania strikes the united states. formed in 1960 by john lennon and paul mccartney, the beatles also include george harrison and ringo starr. they will become the most successful and critically acclaimed act in the history of popular music, releasing 12 albums and producing 20 #1 hits in the united states. all of the members will have successful solo careers. FLASH FORWARD the summer of 1965 jim morrison forms the doors after graduating ucla with a degree in film. in june of 1966, the doors are the opening act at whiskey a go~go...opening for van morrison's them. van morrison will be an influence on jim's stage performance. the doors receive national recognition in 1967, when they sign with elektra records. and the single "light my fire" (ps...my least favorite doors song) spends 3 weeks at #1 on billboard's hot 100. FLASH FORWARD 3 jul 1970 jim morrison joins the 27 club. he is found dead in his paris apartment bathtub. with no evidence of foul play, no autopsy is performed. he is buried in pere lachaise cemetery in paris and his grave is one of the cities biggest tourist attractions. FLASH FORWARD 8 dec 1980 returning to his new york city apartment at 10:50p, john lennon is shot in the back, four times, by mark david chapman. he is pronounced dead upon arrival at roosevelt hospital. 11:07p. his ashes are spread in central park, where the strawberry fields memorial is later created. FLASH FORWARD december 2007 the boys are playing with a ouija board. they swear they have talked to frank zappa. now they try to talk to jim morrison. the spirit keeps asking to speak to "sofa mama". who the heck is "sofa mama"? duh doy!! i'm a mama! AND i'm sitting on a sofa. he wants to speak to me. so i do. andrew and i sit on either side of my coffee table. the only lights are from the glow of the christmas tree. we stare into each other's eyes and ask the lizard king questions about rock 'n' roll heaven. cody stands above and tries to follow the planchette, repeating back the letters it points to. we get really strange and poetic answers. also, the lizard king hits on me. and, seriously. i. did not. just make that up.
ketchup. the greatest condiment in all the world. one problem though. it comes in a glass bottle and you have to wait forever for it to pour out. or. OR...you pop the bottle on the bottom and ALL of the ketchup ends up on your plate. so, heinz ketchup comes up with the greatest jungle of all time...carly simon's "anticipation"...such an amazing jingle, no one will ever be able to hear that song without thinking of heinz. ever. 
