THROWBACK THURSDAY

A REPEAT...
"he ain't heavy, he's my brother..."
FLASHBACK october 9, 1967
i am a happy toddler. i live with my mama and daddy in a nice house. we have a dog. life is good.
FLASH FORWARD october 10, 1967
the nightmare begins. mama and daddy bring HIM home. a little brother. "aren't you excited to be a big sister?" ummmmmm. no. no i'm not.
FLASH FORWARD 1970 something
i can't get rid of him. queenie and i are at the park? he is there. queenie and i are at the pool? he is there. queenie spends the night? he is there. he. never. goes. away. he tries to kill me...on multiple occasions. thank you whoever invented locks on doors. and there are times he needs my protection. yeah, exorcist demon, you will not possess my little brother because i'm letting him sleep in my room. 

             

FLASH FORWARD 1980 something
he's in high school now. and is kind of gigantic. no one realizes he's just a freshman. my friends become his friends. he's at all the same parties. the same homecomings. the same proms. he makes getting a date tough, however.  it's hard to get a date when every guy at school has seen you first thing in the morning. with your hair standing on end and no make~up. but, all in all, he's not so bad. 

       

 

FLASH FORWARD today

he's kind of a d~bag.  but he's my d~bag. he's given me a sister. he's given my 2 beautiful nieces. he's my dearest friend AND the bane of my existence.

today is national sibling day. celebrate your brothers and/or sisters...they are the ones that taught you "fairness and cooperation and kindness and caring" (pamela dugdale).

a gallery of siblings:

                         

NO FLASHBACK TODAY

REPEAT because today is LOVE YOUR PET DAY

"and they called it 'puppy love'..."

i saw this today on facebook and it touched my heart. and because i KNOW so many of you are dog lovers, i just had to share.

10 THINGS YOUR DOG WOULD TELL YOU.... 

1. my life is likely to last 10 to 15 years. any separation from you will be painful: remember that before you get me. 
2. give me time to understand what you want of me. 
3. place your trust in me- it is crucial to my well being.
4. do not be angry at me for long, and do not lock me up as punishment.
5. you have your work, your entertainment,and your friends. i only have you.
6. talk to me sometimes. even if i don't understand your words, i understand your voice when it is speaking to me. 
7. be aware that how ever you treat me, i will never forget. 
8. remember before you hit me that i have teeth that could easily hurt you, but i choose not to bite you because i love you. 
9. before you scold me for being uncooperative,obstinate,or lazy, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. perhaps i might not be getting the right food, or i have been out too long, or my heart is getting to old and weak.
10. take care of me when i get old; you too will grow old. go with me on difficult journeys. never say: "i cannot bear to watch" or "let it happen in my absence." everything is easier for me if you are there, even my death. 

remember that i love you.

now go hug your dog!! or cat...or hamster...or fish! 

ps...i searched all over for the original poster or author and could not find it...

SUNDAY LESSONS

"karma karma karma karma karma chameleon...."

FLASHBACK a few weeks back
i get a phone call. "did you hear what blah blah blah did?" what?! no! "yeah. blah blah blah did yadda yadda yadda! and then this and that happened". omg. (you can insert any horrible gossip you like, it won't change the outcome of my story, or hurt my feelings).
FLASH FORWARD september 14, 2013
it's my typical morning. all's quiet, except for the bk taking an occasional deep breath, in his sleep. the only light is the glare from my computer. i scroll through a little facebook. a little twitter. and a lot of pinterest. and, then, i see it. blah blah blah, who had done the horrible~awful yadda yadda yadda is spending quite a bit of time talking about karma. what? dude!? you know karma's coming after you, right?! it annoys me, so i change my facebook status:

lots of people agree with me. the bk and i talk about it for a minute and i go on with my life. the next 20 minutes goes like this: i stub my toe, on the way to the kitchen *karma*. i start cooking bacon and i burn the first few pieces *karma*. i pour grits into the boiling water and, before i blink, they are blowing the lid off the pot *karma*. i make the perfect sunny~side up egg, and it sticks to the spatula when i am transferring it to the plate *karma*. i am grumbling. what is going on? "weren't you the one who said that when you wish bad karma on people it gets you, too?" ugh.

FLASH FORWARD today
i just wanted to remind everyone NOT to wish bad karma on people. always be kind. karma will get them when she's ready, but you don't want her coming after you in the meantime.

have a great day peeps!

not so MANIC MONDAY

"yeah, fairies wear boots and you gotta believe me..."
according to my grandma blair, "keep a pixie in your house and you'll always have good luck". and that tradition continues in her family. i, in fact, have pixies AND fairies. wait? there's a difference? yep. fairies have human~like skin and hair, are kind and love a celebration, and like to spend their time among the flowers. pixies have colorful skin and hair, are usually mischievous and rude, and love to pull pranks. however, both are quite magical. and that's important because today is international fairy day!! a day to embrace the possibilities of the unknown and believe in fairies...and pixies!! invite one in and enjoy the good luck (s)he brings!!

a gallery of my favorite fairies:

looking for a few good fairies? might i suggest checking out mineralistic in philadelphia...my personal favorite shop on south street!!

^ps...you really should watch this movie today^

"BETTER PUT THEM IN QUOTATIONS...

...say what you need to say..."

FLASHBACK march 22, 2013

i walk in the house and the bk is on the phone. he's excited about something but refuses to say. he hands me the phone and the voice on the other end says "so. do you prefer auntie (auhntie) or auntie (antie)?" ummmm...auntie (antie) duh doy! wait? whaat?! OMG!!! 

FLASH FORWARD march 28, 2013

i get a tearful phone call. "i'm on my way to the hospital. there's bleeding." it is an ectopic pregnancy.  of course they are devastated. but, also, hopeful. the doctor is positive they will get pregnant again. 

FLASH FORWARD today

never the person to have things go smoothly, this tubal pregnancy isn't over yet. there was a surgery on march 28. there was a dose (actually 2) of chemo on april 12. and an emergency surgery on april 14 that required removing the fallopian tube. the doctor is, still, certain she will conceive again. 

i offered my support in the form of ben & jerry's ice cream and a walking dead marathon. i, also, offered to shave her head if the chemo caused hair loss (which, by the way, can happen with one dose or not at all). but i avoided all the cliche sayings: "you're young. you can try again". duh. she knows this. "i know how you feel". no. no i don't. i can't even imagine. i had 2 very normal, happy, pregnancies and 1 that was complicated but still resulted in a happy, healthy baby. "everything happens for a reason". okay. i DO believe this. but, really? i'm not sure i want to understand the reason. and the statement isn't comforting, at all. 

deaths of loved ones, cancer, loss of a pregnancy...whatever the cause, offering support and comfort can, often, be difficult. how can you know what to say (or not) or do when you've never experienced it? you can't really, because it's personal and will be different for everyone. some people are going to want all your attention. and some are going to wish you would just go away. but i do have some ideas:

• do make contact. call, visit, email...but do offer your condolences and help. the person will let you know if the help is wanted. *when offering help be specific: can i bring you a meal? don't say "how can i help?" forcing them to think about what they might need done.* 
• listen. listen but DO NOT offer advice unless they ask for it. 
• don't say "i know how you feel". even if you think you do, they are feeling their own emotions, which might be different from how you felt.
• offer real help, like running errands. or bringing food. *idea: take toilet paper, paper towels, and tissues. especially in the case of a death in the family, lots of people will be dropping by and bringing food. paper products are the last thing on the family's mind.*
• avoid the cliches: he/she is in a better place, everything happens for a reason, or it could be worse. even if you believe it to be true, these statements don't help with the grieving process. the person will come to these conclusions on their own. in their own time. 
• understand that people heal in their own time. don't push them to get on with their lives at your pace. 

^pets can be incredibly comforting^

IT'S FRIDAY I'M IN LOVE

"you know i'll never be lonely...you're my only one
and i love the things...i really love the things that you do...you're my best friend"
FLASHBACK june 1, 1957
moniebird and jimmy get hitched. *56 years and 4 children later? still married*
FLASH FORWARD november 14, 1964
bob and lana tie the knot. *48 years and 2 children later? still married*
FLASH FORWARD july 22, 1995
queenie and jj head to vegas. * nearly 18 years and 2 spawn later? still married*
FLASH FORWARD september 4, 2009
the bk and i move in together and begin a VERY committed relationship. *nearly 4 years later? still together*
FLASH FORWARD july 3, 2010
danno and bridgey sneak off to gatlinburg. *3 years and working on the children later? still married*

what's the secret, you ask? it's hard to really say but...i have a few ideas:

1. be best friends. best friends laugh together, confide in each other, and are always there for each other.
2. be kind to one another. even when you're mad. you don't have to fight dirty to get your point across. as jewel says "in the end, only kindness matters"...
3. talk to each other. talk to each other about EVERYTHING. the weather. sports. books. likes. dislikes. differences you're having. happy couples put everything out on the table and work to resolve their differences. 
4. go out on double, even triple, dates. it can't just be about you two, all the time...every time. get out and enjoy the company of other strong, happy couples. 
5. give 80% and expect 20%: a lesson my daddy taught me. it's important, even in relationships that aren't romantic. a good person always gives without expecting anything in return. *trust me. you will know when your partner is not giving 20% and that's when you go back to #3*

april is couples appreciation month. okay. it's a holiday made up by a company that wants you to spend money on spa items for your significant other. but, i say, take this month (every month, really) to appreciate the great couples around you. see what they're doing right and how they are keeping they're relationships strong. 

a gallery of happy couples:

                              

FLASHBACK just a week ago

a surprise message, from an amazing friend, has us at the paddock. what is supposed to be a drink, or two, turns into...well...it turns into waking up on kathy's couch at 6:30a. waking up there and not knowing how i got there. not knowing how the bk got there. finding a sippy cup, full of an electrolyte drink, on the table beside me along with ibuprofen, tums, and scope in the bathroom. we make the ride of shame home and sleep the day away. we vow to never drink again. 

FLASH FORWARD march 17, 2013

it's a sunday, this year, but that doesn't stop everybody from getting their irish on. many local "pubs" are offering corned beef and cabbage and specials on pints of guiness. the bk and i opt out. seriously. you have know idea how last week stuck with us. but, many of our friends partake. i feel certain some of them will be feeling it tomorrow.

^the aftermath?^

FLASH FORWARD today

so. you enjoyed being irish a little too much yesterday? or you have a big party coming up and you know...KNOW...that, even though you will attempt to drink in moderation, that things will get out of hand? you want to know how to avoid a hangover? the only way to AVOID a hangover is to avoid drinking too much. and, although it will provide you with hours of laughter and fun filling in the blanks of a drunken night on the town, it's incredibly dangerous. alcohol poisoning is a real possibility. and, unless you have a designated driver (or a great friend who would never let you drive in that condition and will, also, take AMAZING care of you), you could kill someone with your car. i can, however, tell you how to ease the pain.

• a bit of the hair of the dog that bit you:  bloody mary's were invented as a cure for hangovers. but, honestly, the last thing you need is more alcohol. try a virgin bloody mary, instead. the tobasco will help wake you up and the juice will replace nutrients you may have lost the night before.
• breakfast at the waffle house: a big helping of greasy bacon, eggs, and grits will make you feel amazing. okay. fine! there is no SCIENTIFIC evidence that this works. but last week, when i spent my sunday feeling like my life was over, i ordered the greasiest pizza larosa's has to offer and, finally, felt human.
• your pain reliever of choice: take two, before bed, and you should wake up headache free. 
• water or gatorade: alcohol dehydrates you, which is the main reason you feel bad the next day. try to stay hydrated while your partying but, definitely, rehydrate yourself the next day. 
• caffeine: if you are a regular coffee drinker, you could give yourself caffeine withdrawal. this would just make the hangover feel worse. so, drink that coffee. or a fully caffeinated soft drink.
• sleep: you don't sleep well after a night of drinking. so, if you can, take a nap (or two...or three) the next day.

i hope you enjoyed your st paddy's day. and i hope you aren't feeling it today!!

BLOODY MARY

ingredients:

8oz tomato juice or zing zang bloody mary mix

2 oz vodka

1 1/2 tsp hot sauce, preferably tobasco

1/4 tsp black pepper

1 tbsp worcestershire sauce

fill a shaker with ice. coat ice with black pepper and hot sauce. add remaining ingredients. shake well. pour into a large glass. grind a bit more pepper on top. garnish with with lemon, or celery, or however you choose. 

FLASHBACK sometime in 1992

"eloquent profanity, it rolls right off my tongue"
it's a gloomy day in upstate new york. i'm cleaning house and cody is watching "the elephant show". i open the drapes. the two year old toddles to the window and says "oh S&%T! it's raining!". ummmmm...i'm super excited because it's his first full sentence. and i'm completely mortified because it's his first full sentence. clearly, i need to watch my mouth in front of the kids. yeah. that's NOT going to happen.
FLASH FORWARD 2010
my nieces and i are in line at king's island. abby and madison are picking on emma. i look over just in time to see her flip the bird (the universal sign of love in our family). EMMA!!! "what? i was just telling her i love her?!!". welp....at least we know she retains information.

FLASH FORWARD today
today is earmuffs day. I KNOW it's to honor the anniversary of the patent some guy with giant ears (chester greenwood) got on his invention in 1877. however, i'm choosing to honor the 10 year tradition, brought to us by vince vaughn, of yelling "earmuffs" when we plan to say something in front of our kids that, maybe, they shouldn't hear.
it's really easy to say "you shouldn't use that language in front of children". but let's say you stub your toe really hard on the coffee table. are you really going to look around and check for little ears before you let out a very loud "F&%K!!!!!!!!" (or, maybe, you'll just say "d*&m" because you aren't, actually, a sailor)? no. no you're not. also, they are going to hear it a million other places (school, tv, movies, video games) so watching your mouth isn't, necessarily, going to prevent them from learning and using foul language. so, how do you prevent your child from swearing? you could search google for advice. there you will find all kinds of articles about how horrible it is for kids to talk like this. articles that say you should give them words to use instead. what? look. i taught 2 year old cody to say "sugar"...it worked, until he went to school. i say, listen to someone a little less uptight. like me!

• don't make a HUGE deal out of what the kid said. getting angry, or laughing, or immediately punishing the child will only make the word(s) more powerful. flip out and your kid is going to say "s$%t" every time (s)he wants your attention.
• talk to your kid about when that language is or isn't appropriate. maybe you think it's never appropriate. or, maybe, you think it's okay when you are extremely angry. kids aren't stupid. talk to them, rationally, and they will understand. my kids knew their boundaries. of course they used that language, but never at school, or church, or anywhere it might offend someone. 
• be more concerned with the messages of ALL the words we speak, and the tone we use when we speak them. i'm more concerned with words that sound judgmental, gossipy, or condescending. 

or, you could just yell "EARMUFFS!" right before you let the f~word fly.

^one of cody's favorite shows...no profanity included^

^"earmuff it for me"^

FLASHBACK november 2012

"when i see your face...there's not a thing that i would change...'cause you're amazing just the way you are..."
a couple comes in with a broken handbag. "this is the first purse i ever bought that cost as much as a car payment! i can't believe the strap is already broken! and, i took it back to the store i bought it at, and she said she couldn't help me...but there has to be a way...i've only had this purse two months" i am positive i can help them. she has no receipt. she has no tag. she can't remember which credit card she used. one hour, and a bunch of laughs, later, she walks out with a brand new bag. five minutes later, a manager approaches me and tells me that she was stopped by a couple that gushed about their amazing experience...told her i was a truly magical person...and vowed to only shop at our store, even though it's  30 miles farther from home than our closest store. i float on a cloud the rest of my shift. who knew that a compliment would hold THAT kind of power? 
*special note: i, also, diagnosed the problem with the bag. during shipping, the handbags are carefully wrapped and taped, and it takes incredible feats of strength to unwrap them. someone had used a box cutter to slit the tape and had slit the strap on both ends. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS look over your handbag (designer or otherwise) and look for nicks, slits, or scratches.* 
FLASH FORWARD today
yes. it's nice to be recognized for our hard work, or our new look, or our sense of humor. but the power of a compliment is often overlooked. a japanese study found that compliments can improve performance in every aspect, from school to social life to the workplace. *participants were required to complete a finger sequence on a keyboard as fast as they could in 30 seconds. one group received compliments, one group watched as other members were complimented, and one group rated their own performance. the group that received compliments improved their performance the following day.* compliments actually stimulate the same part of the brain (the striatum) that is activated when cash is given, prompting us to work harder. hmmmmm......
today is world compliment day. the idea behind it? much like valentine's day, secretary's day, or mother's day, it's a day to let the people in your life KNOW you appreciate them. no cards. no gifts. just a compliment. it's free. and it will make you both feel good.

^never underestimate a pat on the head^

FLASHBACK summer of 1979

"every bond you break every step you take...i'll be watching you..."
i ride my bike across town to meet up with my joyce court girls. every day. and, every day, i pass the same places...the dairy treat...the car wash...the race track. and, every day, i see the same familiar faces. now kat and i are walking back to my house. we've stopped in town and said hi to mama...we've gotten some rock candy at the village ice cream parlor...we are thinking about going to the y. a jeep pulls up. a strange man is telling me i'm pretty. kat and i joke about how creepy he is. we see him the next day. and the day after that. and the day after that. he doesn't know my name. he calls me michigan...i am wearing my lil bro's michigan jersey (sorry bridgette...it was a temporary lapse in judgement).
FLASH FORWARD summer of 1980
it starts all over again. only this time he thinks my name is kathy??? oooohhhh!!!! i'm wearing kat's shirt and her name is on the back!!! ugh!! YOU are such a CREEP!!!
FLASH FORWARD summer of 1981
yep. he's baaaccckkk!! but kat sees him at the car wash. we avoid going by there. he still finds us...walking to my house...walking around colony square...walking to see my mama.
FLASH FORWARD summer of 1982
i have my driver's license. he can't bother me anymore. i'm not stupid...i NEVER take the car to his car wash.

FLASH FORWARD october 2012
the bk gets a phone call from someone he dated. we don't think anything of it. a few weeks later, he is out of town on business and i get a call from a blocked number. just breathing and hang up. i think someone is trying to scare me. it doesn't work in the middle of the day, moron, try it again later!! it happens again the next day. hello? jacka$$...remember how we're adults now? ha! 
FLASH FORWARD november 2012
an "unverified text" comes thru. whoever this person is, they want to date the bk again. what? i don't know who you are, but you aren't very smart...you added your phone number to the text! i forward the message to the bk and after some sleuthing...the bk could put sherlock holmes to shame...we identify the culprit. bk sends a strongly worded text "blah blah blah...leave us alone...blah blah blah...we will get the police involved if necessary...blah blah blah". of course she responds "i don't know what you're talking about...blah blah blah...*insert crazy bish psychobabble here*...". we block her number. she won't be bothering us again. i still have questions: how did she get MY number? does she know where we live? is she just a little koo koo bananas? or is she charlie manson psychotic?

^not the ACTUAL text^

FLASH FORWARD today
in the '70s and '80s, they didn't have a name for it. we were told stories about men in vans offering candy and puppies to small children...but creeping on teenage girls as they walk thru town? that didn't happen...it did, we just didn't talk about it. now it's called stalking...AND it's against the law. january is national stalking awareness month. here are some important facts you should know about stalking:

• 1 in 4 women, and 1 in 13 men, have reported being a victim of stalking in their lifetime.
• the majority of stalking victims are stalked by someone they know.
• 1 in 5 females, and 1 in 14 males, experience stalking between the ages of 11 and 17.
• 2/3 of stalkers pursue their victims at least once per week.
• stalking is a crime in all 50 states, although, less than 1/3 classify it as a felony for first offenders.
• the fear of not knowing what may happen causes anxiety, insomnia, and time lost from work.
•  54% of femicide (the act of murdering a woman) victims reported stalking to the police before being murdered by their stalkers.
• technology has made it easier than ever for stalkers to harass their victims. facebook, twitter, email, and texting are all ways to contact the victim. 

what can you do to protect yourself? the national center for victims of crime suggests: 

• a safety plan that includes a log of all contact...emails, texts, phone calls, gifts...to be used as evidence
• have a phone nearby at all times
• treat all threats seriously and contact police
• vary your routine: routes to work/school, when/where you shop, and limit time spent alone.
• get a new, unlisted, number...but leave the old number active and allow all calls to go to voice mail for screening (and evidence).
• consider getting a restraining order.
• DO NOT interact with your stalker.
• trust your instincts. if you don't feel safe, find a way to make your location safe or leave. 

don't be a victim...arm yourself with knowledge!

resources:

national stalking awareness month

victimsofcrime.org

stalking information for teens

a few months have passed, and no contact from koo koo bananas ex~girlfriend...oops! bk insists "she was NOT my GIRLFRIEND"...her number is blocked, but we haven't run into her at any local hot spots, she hasn't tried to contact us thru email or facebook or twitter...it's safe to say that's over. and my high school stalker? kat and i finally learned his name (10 years later) and it's safe to say that, 30 years later, he won't recognize me. and if he does, he'll call me buckeye...cuz i will never EVER be seen in a michigan jersey!

FLASHBACK april 2009

"don't you know about the bird? well everybody knows that the bird is the word..."
queenie and i talk everyday. she tells me about her friend "bird" which leads to a facebook friendship. bird and queenie dub me cardinal, because cardinals are the north carolina state bird. fortunately for me, they are, also, the state bird of ohio and 5 other states. i can safely live in north carolina, ohio, west virginia, virginia, kentucky, indiana, and illinois without changing my nickname.
FLASH FORWARD december 
i go running out of the house to run an errand. i hear a strange noise and assume the gardeners are working on the grounds of our apartment complex. i step off the porch and SPLAT!! bird doo on my neck!! ewwwwwwww!!!! i quickly realize i am dead center in a humongous flock of birds. i run to my car and watch in amazement as this flock swarms a berry tree and, then, in complete unison, flies on to the next...inevitably dropping doo on the next person to mistakenly walk thru them. 
FLASH FORWARD december 14, 2012 thru january 5, 2013
the audubon society sponsors a yearly christmas bird count. during these 3 weeks, tens of thousands of volunteers will brave rain, wind, and snow to go out and attempt to get a count of bird populations in their area. this information will be collected to help guide conservation efforts and assess the health of bird populations. click here if you would like to get involved...

                    

^three little birds and my artwork^