dragon: a mythical monster like a giant reptile. in european tradition the dragon is typically fire-breathing and tends to symbolize chaos or evil, whereas in east asia it is usually a beneficent symbol of fertility, associated with water and the heavens. just a quick list of my favorite dragons in honor of "appreciate a dragon" day: 1. puff the magic dragon
2. falkor (the never ending story)
3. elliot (pete's dragon)
4. smaug (j.r.r. tolkien's the hobbit)
5. the hungarian horntail (j.k. rowling's harry potter)
"photograph - all i've got is a photograph..." okay...so it's, technically, two weeks in the life. but i've been busy. the past few weeks have seen visits from spawn (and a girlfriend)...haunted trails and hayrides...premiere parties...antique shopping...blood moons...and throwbacks...what's been good with you?
a little repeat to celebrate the season: "you've got to pick up every stitch...mmmm must be the season of the witch" a history lesson for halloween: although i could go all the way back to 1484, and the publishing of malleus malificarum, to tell you about witch hunting...i'm going to stick with a more familiar story...the salem witch trials. puritans who had settled in salem town and salem village, massachusetts, had a huge fear of paganism. they felt it threatened their way of life. something as silly as guessing a future event or having a wart on your nose could brand you a witch, which was punishable by death. yep. i said it. you could be killed for having a wart on your nose. okay. so, this reverend named samuel parris brings a slave woman, tituba, to care for his daughter, betty. tituba will, also, be caring for his niece, abigail williams. tituba is from barbados and brings her voodoo with her. the girls in the village are fascinated. duh doy!! who wouldn't be, right? am i right? i know i'm right. anyway....the girls start acting like psychos. they are having fits of hysteria. they're throwing things around the house. they're contorting their bodies. making strange sounds. it sounds more like pms than witchcraft, but nobody asked me...now this doctor, william griggs enters the picture. since it's 1692 and no one knows anything about pms, he says the girls are afflicted by witchcraft. hmmmmm.... now other girls in the village are acting out. only they start calling out names of the WITCHES that are cursing them. you know, when i was a kid, nobody would have believed me if i said "regina is a witch", but it's whatever...anyway. if a wart could get you accused, imagine what would happen if an afflicted girl called out your name?!! now you're accused of consorting with the devil. you're interrogated. there is a trial, and you are found guilty, even though the only evidence is what the afflicted CLAIM to see. and imprisonment, or possibly death, will follow. a total of 20 deaths resulted from the salem witch trials. enter the reverend francis dane. he was suspicious of the girls and saw something very wrong with these trials. he petitioned the governor and the courts saying the accusations were unfounded. he soon had support from increase mather, a puritan minister who was highly involved in the government of the colonies. he wrote, in a publication called cases of conscience concerning evil spirits, "it were better that 10 suspected witches should escape, than 1 innocent person should be condemned". after one final trial, all the accused witches, still in jail, were set free in may of 1693. FLASH FORWARD today we no longer burn suspected witches at the stake. and many people practice witchcraft freely. today's witchcraft takes on many different forms, but usually involves the use of divination, magic, and working with the elements (earth, wind, fire, and water), and working with unseen spirits and forces of nature. today's witches don't really fit the fantasy we have surrounded them with...they aren't green and wart covered. they don't melt when doused with water. however, i am fairly certain they will die if you drop your house on them.
"free your mind and the rest will follow..." FLASHBACK 1966 in hanover, virginia, parents complain that a discussion of rape, in to kill a mockingbird, is immoral and call for it to be removed from the school reading list. FLASH FORWARD 1977 in eden valley, minnesota to kill a mockingbird is banned because of the words "damn" and "whore lady". FLASH FORWARD (1980 something) i'm given a reading assignment. i'm not excited. how can i be excited about a book, written in the 60's, about people living in 30's? but, to kill a mockingbird will quickly become one of my favorites. i want an atticus finch and boo radley in my life. *for those unfamiliar with the story, to kill a mockingbird is a lesson in social inequality as told thru the eyes of six year old scout. and you should totally read it* FLASH FORWARD 1984 the waukegan, illinois school district bans to kill a mockingbird because the "n" word is used 48 times in 211 pages. FLASH FORWARD 2003 to kill a mockingbird is banned from normal, illinois community high school's sophomore literature class because it's "degrading to african americans". TODAY people continue to attempt to ban books from schools and public libraries. and to kill a mockingbird is always on the list of banned and challenged books. it's in good company with the great gatsby, the lord of the flies, and the grapes of wrath. the top 10 banned books of 2012~2013 are:
captain underpants, dav pilkey (offensive language and unsuited for age group)
13 reasons why, jay asher (drugs/alcohol/smoking, sexually explicit, suicide, unsuited for age group)
50 shades of grey, e.l. james (offensive language, sexually explicit)
and tango makes three, peter parnell and justin richardson (homosexuality, unsuited for age group)
the kite runner, khaled hosseini (homosexuality, offensive language, religious viewpoint, sexually explicit)
looking for alaska, john green (offensive language, sexually explicit, unsuited for age group)
scary stories, alvin schwartz (unsuited for age group, violence)
the glass castle, jeannette walls (offensive language, sexually explicit)
beloved, toni morrison (sexually explicit, religious viewpoint, violence)
september 22 thru 28 is banned books week. celebrate your right to read whatever you choose by selecting books off the banned books list and participating in the virtual read~out!
^two of these books have been banned, or challenged, from schools or public libraries. can you guess which two?
FLASHBACK a few weeks back
i get a phone call. "did you hear what blah blah blah did?" what?! no! "yeah. blah blah blah did yadda yadda yadda! and then this and that happened". omg. (you can insert any horrible gossip you like, it won't change the outcome of my story, or hurt my feelings).
FLASH FORWARD september 14, 2013
it's my typical morning. all's quiet, except for the bk taking an occasional deep breath, in his sleep. the only light is the glare from my computer. i scroll through a little facebook. a little twitter. and a lot of pinterest. and, then, i see it. blah blah blah, who had done the horrible~awful yadda yadda yadda is spending quite a bit of time talking about karma. what? dude!? you know karma's coming after you, right?! it annoys me, so i change my facebook status:
lots of people agree with me. the bk and i talk about it for a minute and i go on with my life. the next 20 minutes goes like this: i stub my toe, on the way to the kitchen *karma*. i start cooking bacon and i burn the first few pieces *karma*. i pour grits into the boiling water and, before i blink, they are blowing the lid off the pot *karma*. i make the perfect sunny~side up egg, and it sticks to the spatula when i am transferring it to the plate *karma*. i am grumbling. what is going on? "weren't you the one who said that when you wish bad karma on people it gets you, too?" ugh.
FLASH FORWARD today
i just wanted to remind everyone NOT to wish bad karma on people. always be kind. karma will get them when she's ready, but you don't want her coming after you in the meantime.
REPEAT because it's the last day of "safe at home" week (8/26~8/30) and it's kind of relevant... "on a gathering storm comes a tall, handsome man...in a long dusty coat with a red right hand" we were all 12 and 13 years old. we couldn't drive. we were at the mercy of our parents, or our feet, to get us where we were going. so, wherever we went, it had to be close. so we all met at colony square. we had the video arcade (saturn 3). we had the cinema. our parents dropped us off, and expected that we would behave. and, by behave, i mean...we wouldn't go see rated r movies. bahahahahahahahaha!! we saw them all. halloween (parts 1 and 2). friday the 13th (1 thru 4). mother's day. motel hell. dawn of the dead. the evil dead. FLASH FORWARD today so...i'm in the closet, putting away clothes. the dog and the cat have followed me in there. the bk? he's at work. i hear a thump in the living room. maddie hears it, too. the hair on her back is standing straight up. ummmm...what do i do now? i can't run...the only way out is thru the living room. i can't scream...whatever caused the thump would hear me. eventually, i come to my senses. the front door is dead bolted and chained. the only way in is thru the screened door and i live on the 2nd floor. i determine i'm perfectly safe, unless, of course, ninja zombies are attacking. and this gets me thinking...what exactly AM i supposed to do if, in fact, i am thrown into a horror flick? the dumb chick, who always happens to be blond (aaarrrggghhh), runs upstairs when she should be running out of the house. but what if upstairs is your only choice? what IF the only way out is blocked by a serial killer? and why do the victims always hide in the obvious places? under a blanket. in the closet. behind the couch. but, if you think about it, unless you live in a mansion with hidden rooms and tunnels, there really isn't a good place to hide. hmmmmmm.... i've assessed my surroundings and i've come up with a plan. a fool~proof plan that, to the untrained eye, will appear to be simple prep for fire safety: #1~assess your home and note two ways out of every room. if the serial killer is coming thru the door, obviously you can't go out it. #2~establish a meeting place outside...a safe distance from your house. #3~get a fire extinguisher, preferably an abc type (good for multiple types of fires from combustible to electrical). not only will it put out a fire but it can be used to disorient your attacker while you make your escape. #4~if you live in a two~story home, or the second floor of an apartment building, invest in a fire escape ladder. if you get injured trying to jump out you will never escape. all this, and my impressive ninja skills, should protect ME from fire and jason vorhees...you, however, are on your own :)
FLASHBACK november 2012 i blogged, word for word, the following: "you put your chocolate in my peanut butter...you put your chocolate in my peanut butter" FLASHBACK 2002 i haven't always been terrified of peanut butter. oh. i've always hated peanut butter. HATED peanut butter. but not AFRAID peanut butter. why do i hate peanut butter? it doesn't taste like peanuts. AT ALL. it looks like it belongs in a baby diaper. seriously. and it grows when you put it in mouth. yes, it does!! it grows and gets stuck on the roof of your mouth...and then you can't swallow. or breathe. and you think you're gonna die. you think i'm exaggerating. i am not. but, as much as i hate peanut butter, i was never afraid of it...until. until my kids saw a very special clip from cky, the guys that, eventually, brought us jackass. that clip, "rake yohn hates mustard", inspired them to attack me with peanut butter. it started with a simple finger of peanut butter to the face. GROSS!!! then, the onslaught began. walk in the house...get a face full of peanut butter. walk out of the bathroom...get a face full of peanut butter. stand at the stove, cooking dinner...get a face full of peanut butter. i. am now. legitimately. afraid of peanut butter. FLASH FORWARD september 2010 i have the hiccups. it's horrible. bridgette says "a spoonful of peanut butter will get rid of them." i am not letting peanut butter anywhere near me. "fine. just sit over there hiccuping." ugh! this is super annoying! so...i suck it up. jamie covers my eyes and bridgette sticks a spoonful of peanut butter in my mouth. it tastes HORRIBLE!! i start crying. the hiccups go away. "see! we told you it would work!" it only worked because i was AFRAID i was going to choke to death!! FLASH FORWARD august 16~17,2013 i make a batch of peanut butter cookies, for the bk, and blog about my experience and the recipe. the recipe makes 4 dozen cookies, and there are only two of us. only one of us is weird enough to eat them, so i take most of them to work. the questions begin: why don't you like peanut butter? you can't eat it at all?!! WHAT?! what do you mean you're scared of it?! turns out, i'm not the only person with a fear of food. we start a list. first, cottage cheese. cottage cheese makes the list three times. THREE?! i'll admit i hate cottage cheese. HATE IT!! but scared of it? why is it scary? all three women point out it's slimy. and lumpy. and just plain gross. one says she can't eat stouffer's lasagna because the ricotta cheese reminds her of cottage cheese. then, anchovies. again, i hate anchovies. HATE THEM. they're salty. and fishy. and ruin a perfectly good pizza. but i'm not scared of them. when i ask why they're scary all the girl does is shudder. the next response? raisins. RAISINS? what? why? "because they look like bugs. bugs." omg!! THEY DO!! they do look like bugs!! ack!!
turns out, i'm not alone in my food phobia. it's a thing. cibophobia is the fear of food, in general. it is, often, confused with anorexia because people who suffer cibophobia will be seen avoiding foods. they usually avoid foods that they consider risky, like mayonnaise. why is mayo risky? it can spoil. can you imagine a mouthful of spoiled mayo? bleck. i avoid peanut butter for ALL the reasons mentioned above. and, i learned i suffer from arachibutyrophobia, the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth. there is no name for the other reasons i'm scared of peanut butter. but at least i know i'm not alone. so...how do you know you have a fear of food and not a simple dislike? if you get nauseous, shaky, dizzy, or get heart palpitations you have a fear. if you look at cottage cheese and simply say "gross", you probably just don't like it. what about a cure? supposedly, if you gradually expose yourself to the food you will, eventually, get over your fear. okay. no. this is not true. i have tried, on multiple occasions, to get over my fear *see above hiccup incident* and dislike. it's not happening. and i figure i lived this all these years without peanut butter in my life...i can last a few 30 or 40 more.
do you have a food phobia? tell me about it...:) ps...the fear of raisins. yeah. it's called inyaphobia. it's a real thing, too...
i walk in the house and the bk is on the phone. he's excited about something but refuses to say. he hands me the phone and the voice on the other end says "so. do you prefer auntie (auhntie) or auntie (antie)?" ummmm...auntie (antie) duh doy! wait? whaat?! OMG!!!
FLASH FORWARD march 28, 2013
i get a tearful phone call. "i'm on my way to the hospital. there's bleeding." it is an ectopic pregnancy. of course they are devastated. but, also, hopeful. the doctor is positive they will get pregnant again.
FLASH FORWARD today
never the person to have things go smoothly, this tubal pregnancy isn't over yet. there was a surgery on march 28. there was a dose (actually 2) of chemo on april 12. and an emergency surgery on april 14 that required removing the fallopian tube. the doctor is, still, certain she will conceive again.
i offered my support in the form of ben & jerry's ice cream and a walking dead marathon. i, also, offered to shave her head if the chemo caused hair loss (which, by the way, can happen with one dose or not at all). but i avoided all the cliche sayings: "you're young. you can try again". duh. she knows this. "i know how you feel". no. no i don't. i can't even imagine. i had 2 very normal, happy, pregnancies and 1 that was complicated but still resulted in a happy, healthy baby. "everything happens for a reason". okay. i DO believe this. but, really? i'm not sure i want to understand the reason. and the statement isn't comforting, at all.
deaths of loved ones, cancer, loss of a pregnancy...whatever the cause, offering support and comfort can, often, be difficult. how can you know what to say (or not) or do when you've never experienced it? you can't really, because it's personal and will be different for everyone. some people are going to want all your attention. and some are going to wish you would just go away. but i do have some ideas:
do make contact. call, visit, email...but do offer your condolences and help. the person will let you know if the help is wanted. *when offering help be specific: can i bring you a meal? don't say "how can i help?" forcing them to think about what they might need done.*
listen. listen but DO NOT offer advice unless they ask for it.
don't say "i know how you feel". even if you think you do, they are feeling their own emotions, which might be different from how you felt.
offer real help, like running errands. or bringing food. *idea: take toilet paper, paper towels, and tissues. especially in the case of a death in the family, lots of people will be dropping by and bringing food. paper products are the last thing on the family's mind.*
avoid the cliches: he/she is in a better place, everything happens for a reason, or it could be worse. even if you believe it to be true, these statements don't help with the grieving process. the person will come to these conclusions on their own. in their own time.
understand that people heal in their own time. don't push them to get on with their lives at your pace.
