WHAT UP WEDNESDAY

FLASHBACK november 2012
i blogged, word for word, the following:

"you put your chocolate in my peanut butter...you put your chocolate in my peanut butter"
FLASHBACK 2002
i haven't always been terrified of peanut butter. oh. i've always hated peanut butter. HATED peanut butter. but not AFRAID peanut butter. why do i hate peanut butter? it doesn't taste like peanuts. AT ALL. it looks like it belongs in a baby diaper. seriously. and it grows when you put it in mouth. yes, it does!! it grows and gets stuck on the roof of your mouth...and then you can't swallow. or breathe. and you think you're gonna die. you think i'm exaggerating. i am not. but, as much as i hate peanut butter, i was never afraid of it...until. until my kids saw a very special clip from cky, the guys that, eventually, brought us jackass. that clip, "rake yohn hates mustard", inspired them to attack me with peanut butter. it started with a simple finger of peanut butter to the face. GROSS!!! then, the onslaught began. walk in the house...get a face full of peanut butter. walk out of the bathroom...get a face full of peanut butter. stand at the stove, cooking dinner...get a face full of peanut butter. i. am now. legitimately. afraid of peanut butter.
FLASH FORWARD september 2010
i have the hiccups. it's horrible. bridgette says "a spoonful of peanut butter will get rid of them." i am not letting peanut butter anywhere near me. "fine. just sit over there hiccuping." ugh! this is super annoying! so...i suck it up. jamie covers my eyes and bridgette sticks a spoonful of peanut butter in my mouth. it tastes HORRIBLE!! i start crying. the hiccups go away. "see! we told you it would work!" it only worked because i was AFRAID i was going to choke to death!!

FLASH FORWARD august 16~17,2013
i make a batch of peanut butter cookies, for the bk, and blog about my experience and the recipe. the recipe makes 4 dozen cookies, and there are only two of us. only one of us is weird enough to eat them, so i take most of them to work. the questions begin: why don't you like peanut butter? you can't eat it at all?!! WHAT?! what do you mean you're scared of it?! turns out, i'm not the only person with a fear of food. we start a list. first, cottage cheese. cottage cheese makes the list three times. THREE?!  i'll admit i hate cottage cheese. HATE IT!! but scared of it? why is it scary? all three women point out it's slimy. and lumpy. and just plain gross. one says she can't eat stouffer's lasagna because the ricotta cheese reminds her of cottage cheese. then, anchovies. again, i hate anchovies. HATE THEM. they're salty. and fishy. and ruin a perfectly good pizza. but i'm not scared of them. when i ask why they're scary all the girl does is shudder. the next response? raisins. RAISINS? what? why? 
"because they look like bugs. bugs." omg!! THEY DO!! they do look like bugs!! ack!! 

turns out, i'm not alone in my food phobia. it's a thing.  cibophobia is the fear of food, in general. it is, often, confused with anorexia because people who suffer cibophobia will be seen avoiding foods. they usually avoid foods that they consider risky, like mayonnaise. why is mayo risky? it can spoil. can you imagine a mouthful of spoiled mayo? bleck. i avoid peanut butter for ALL the reasons mentioned above. and, i learned i suffer from arachibutyrophobia, the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth. there is no name for the other reasons i'm scared of peanut butter. but at least i know i'm not alone.
so...how do you know you have a fear of food and not a simple dislike? if you get nauseous, shaky, dizzy,  or get heart palpitations you have a fear. if you look at cottage cheese and simply say "gross", you probably just don't like it. 
what about a cure? supposedly, if you gradually expose yourself to the food you will, eventually, get over your fear. okay. no. this is not true. i have tried, on multiple occasions, to get over my fear *see above hiccup incident* and dislike. it's not happening. and i figure i lived this all these years without peanut butter in my life...i can last a few 30 or 40 more.

 do you have a food phobia? tell me about it...:)


ps...the fear of raisins. yeah. it's called inyaphobia. it's a real thing, too...

IT'S FRIDAY I'M IN LOVE

"song...song of the south...sweet potato pie and hush my mouth..."
FLASHBACK april 1986
i move to north carolina. within a month, my family cannot understand a word i say.
FLASH FORWARD 2009 until today
this happens almost daily~
remember when you said blah blah blah? bk "ummmm...when did i say that?". you know? the other day...when we were moving my stuff into your apartment. "the other day? that was 4 years ago...it was NOT 'the OTHER day'!".

or

the other day you asked me blah blah blah and...bk "the other day as in the other day? or the other day as in 30 years ago?".

FLASH FORWARD august 15, 2013

i'm fixin to head to starbucks, do y'all need anything? "you're fixin? what?".

okay. fine. so i picked up a few southernisms after living in the carolinas for 23 years...24 actually, since the bk and i lived there for a year. and most of my mid~west and west coast friends have a tiny bit of trouble understanding me at times. so...i thought, maybe, i would take this opportunity to teach you how to get along in the south...

• you should always be barefoot or in flip flops, and i will push it as close to the limit as i possibly can. 
• sweet tea is just "tea", it should always be sweet.  
• "bless your heart" doesn't mean that at all...and you will never, hardly ever, hear me say it.
• i stopped calling my parent's mom and dad 27 years ago...they are "mama" and "daddy".
• "fixin" doesn't mean to ACTUALLY fix something...it means i'm getting ready to do something or go somewhere...as in "i'm fixin to go to the store" or "i'm fixin to bake cookies" or "i'm fixin to roundhouse kick you in the face".
• "the other day" can be anywhere from yesterday to november 1965.
• bbq is pulled pork...all other "bbq" is called by it's name: brisket, chicken, and whatever else you cook on a grill...
• speaking of bbq...it's not a pig roast, it's a pig pickin because, duh doy, everyone is pickin meat off the pig. and you have slaw, and beans, and pig pickin cake. or else it's not a real pig pickin.
• if i say "i'm about to monkey" it means i'm super super hot and sweaty. cuz, well, monkeys are sweaty? i have no idea...you just say it in the deep south.
• "i swanee" means "i swear". i hardly ever say that, but if i do now you'll know what i mean...
• "drink" means coke and not a mixed drink. if you are asking me over for a cocktail you better be specific. also, if i say "coke" i mean soda...any soda...if i say "diet coke" i mean diet soda...any diet soda. it's not hard.
• grits. this is important. people in the mid~west have NO CLUE about the proper way to enjoy grits. they put butter on them! bleck! and SUGAR!! bleck! bleck!! and, sometimes, even milk!! BLECK! BLECK!! BLECK!!! grits should be served all mixed up with runny eggs (preferably sunny~side up) with lots of salt and pepper. and, if you haven't tried them, you should. you really should.

^barefootin^

^good ol' southern seafood^

^a rare sight in the south^

^in the south, we don't hide our crazy...we put 'em on the front porch for everyone to see^

do you have any southernisms not listed here? and, maybe, you want to know what they mean? i'll be happy to help you out ☺

the more you know.....

TUESDAY TREASURES

"these are a few of my favorite things..."



1. i always look forward to late night with jimmy fallon because i might get to see this:

 2. edy's slow churned ice cream ...slow churned is naturally half the fat, so i can feel slightly less guilty. and this flavor is uh~mazing! but it's only available thru the end of august:

3. i can't say, for sure, it's my favorite...yet...but my love of everything simon peg (shaun of the dead, hot fuzz) tells me i am going to totally love this:

4. i'm in love with this:

5. i can't stop listening to this:

6. really liked reading this:

7. i totally love playing on vine because i can do this:

what are some of your favorite things?

IT'S FRIDAY, I'M IN LOVE

 "take off your shoes and throw them away...come back and get them another day...we're barefootin'"
FLASHBACK 1965
like every other baby, i am born barefoot.
FLASH FORWARD 1970 something
maybe...MAYBE...my parents will say different, but i hate shoes. i only remember wearing shoes when i had to. obviously, i wore them to school...or the mall...or in the snow. 
FLASH FORWARD today
i am still barefoot as much as possible. and i am not a fan of shoes. when other women are excited for that cute new pair of pumps...or sandals...or boots....i'm just like "whateva". i have shoes. i have some cute shoes. i have cute shoes because the bk said "i like these, you should get them". or because, when i go to work, the boss is all "really, you have to wear shoes. it's the rules". if i want to be barefoot and they won't let me in the restaurant, or store, or movie theater, i wear flip flops. which is an awful lot like being barefoot. 
there are health benefits to being barefoot:

• it helps stretch and strengthen muscles and tendons in your feet and ankles, using muscles that aren't used when wear shoes. this can help prevent knee strain and back problems. 
• it frees your mind. while you're focused on avoiding sharp rocks, sticks, and thorns, your mind is clear of everyday problems and anxieties. 
• bumps and rocks can stimulate reflex points in your feet, basically a free foot massage!

                           

but, if you're going to go barefoot, you're going to want those babies to be gorgeous. follow these steps for a perfect, at home, pedicure:

1. remove any old polish and soak your feet in a warm salt bath for 10 minutes. sally hansen has some good options...
2. trim your nails straight across, making sure they are about even with the top of your toes, and round edges with an emory board.
3. rub a pumice stone over callused spots. next, rub in an exfoliating scrub (try bliss super slough scrub available at sephora) and rinse with warm water.
4. rub on a moisturizer like kiss my face foot creme. wipe toe nails with a cotton swab to remove any lotion from nails.
5. pick your fave color and paint those piggies. start in the center, at the cuticle and brushing up, finishing at the sides. apply 2 coats of color and a top coat. 

i would do this tonight while your relaxing in front of the tv because tomorrow (june 1) is national go barefoot day!!!

THE SUNDAY PAPER (or blog or book or mag)

"dear sir or madam, will you read my book?...it took me years to write, will you take a look?"
FLASHBACK december 2010
the bk and i meet with a new, to us, tattoo artist (you can find out all about matt clemmer here). he works out of his basement, meaning we get to meet his lovely family. his girlfriend, katie, and her cute~as~a~button son, max. katie and matt are freelance artists and they're work is displayed all over the house. katie is, also, a blogger. 
FLASH FORWARD january and march 2011
matt does an addition to the bk's tribute to his great~grandmother, america, and a beautiful portrait of my flock. mine takes two sessions. a total of 14 hours. it's painful. i cry. i cry a lot. but the end product is well worth it. a piece of art on my right thigh. also, i get to learn quite a bit about this beautiful little family. and i discover katie's blog...a glimpse into her life with these two charming men.
FLASH FORWARD today
it's sunday. i get up early...before the sun is even fully up. i make coffee. i scroll thru facebook. i scroll thru twitter. and i read katie's pencil box. full of stunning pictures, snapped and edited by katie, and quick peeks into her day~to~day, this blog just makes me warm and fuzzy. katie doesn't tell you how to dress, how to make the perfect breakfast casserole, or how to keep the perfect house. she just shows you how an artist,  mother of two (phoebe is just 8 months old), and future wife takes the time to simply be. 
sunday mornings are for coffee, and blankets, and reading. take this time to check out katie's pencil box...you won't be disappointed. 
happy reading!!

            

 

^before and after^

^portrait of a flock^

THINGS I LEARNED THIS WEEK

"you choke you learn...you laugh you learn...you choose you learn...you pray you learn...you ask you learn...you live you learn"

1. true love is shielding your eyes from horrible things *cough cough clowns cough cough*
2. two...two...two dogs are better than one
3. everybody loves bacon. everybody. LOVES. bacon.
4. emma starts all questions with "remember when you..."
5. abby should probably model
6. verizon should pay me a commission for assisting in the sale of a bose speaker and plan upgrade
7. patience is a virtue, especially in candy crush
8. when friends miss you, they show it by terrorizing you on facebook
9. i can make an irate customer leave smiling with my quick wit AND the coupon i keep in my pocket
10. today is national deep~dish pizza day...yummo!!!!!

^gypsy rose jarvis green ellis and trudy^

^the pesto~bacon was a huge hit^

^emma is a goofball^

^so pretty^

^finally off level 65^

^bird misses me^

^the magic^

^yummo^

^reminds me of emma...ha^

FABULOUS FREEBIES

"the best things in life are free..."
FLASHBACK march 28, 2013
my mama needs make~up and doesn't want to go to the mall. since i, in fact, work at a mall, i agree to pick it up. so, during my break, i head over to the clinique counter for mascara, lipstick, and a moisturizer. "go ahead a choose your gift." gift? what gift? "if you spend $25, or more, you get to choose between violets or pinks..." hmmmmm...let's go with violets! i tell mama about her free gift, although i'm sure she won't want it because of the colors. "you keep it." thanks! even though i'm a drugstore make~up kind of girl!!
FLASH FORWARD today
i just might have been turned on to the clinique mascara and lipstick. the lipstick is soft and buttery, and the color is light and natural. and the mascara makes my lashes look full. so...what exactly did i get with my free gift? i thought you would never ask!!

1 large make~up bag
1 pencil case
1 clinique 7 day scrub cream (1 oz)
1 clinique dramatically different moisturizing lotion (1 oz)
1 clinique different lipstick in "shy" (full size)
1 clinique high impact mascara in "black" (.14 oz)
1 clinique colour surge eye shadow duo in "twilight mauve/brandied plum" (.02 oz each)
1 clinique soft-pressed powder blusher in "pink" (.06 oz)
1 clinique true bronze pressed powder bronzer in "sunkissed" (.06 oz)
1 blush brush
1 shadow brush

hurry to your nearest macy's, or order online...offer is good thru april 21st, or while supplies last!!

FLASHBACK sometime in 1992

"eloquent profanity, it rolls right off my tongue"
it's a gloomy day in upstate new york. i'm cleaning house and cody is watching "the elephant show". i open the drapes. the two year old toddles to the window and says "oh S&%T! it's raining!". ummmmm...i'm super excited because it's his first full sentence. and i'm completely mortified because it's his first full sentence. clearly, i need to watch my mouth in front of the kids. yeah. that's NOT going to happen.
FLASH FORWARD 2010
my nieces and i are in line at king's island. abby and madison are picking on emma. i look over just in time to see her flip the bird (the universal sign of love in our family). EMMA!!! "what? i was just telling her i love her?!!". welp....at least we know she retains information.

FLASH FORWARD today
today is earmuffs day. I KNOW it's to honor the anniversary of the patent some guy with giant ears (chester greenwood) got on his invention in 1877. however, i'm choosing to honor the 10 year tradition, brought to us by vince vaughn, of yelling "earmuffs" when we plan to say something in front of our kids that, maybe, they shouldn't hear.
it's really easy to say "you shouldn't use that language in front of children". but let's say you stub your toe really hard on the coffee table. are you really going to look around and check for little ears before you let out a very loud "F&%K!!!!!!!!" (or, maybe, you'll just say "d*&m" because you aren't, actually, a sailor)? no. no you're not. also, they are going to hear it a million other places (school, tv, movies, video games) so watching your mouth isn't, necessarily, going to prevent them from learning and using foul language. so, how do you prevent your child from swearing? you could search google for advice. there you will find all kinds of articles about how horrible it is for kids to talk like this. articles that say you should give them words to use instead. what? look. i taught 2 year old cody to say "sugar"...it worked, until he went to school. i say, listen to someone a little less uptight. like me!

• don't make a HUGE deal out of what the kid said. getting angry, or laughing, or immediately punishing the child will only make the word(s) more powerful. flip out and your kid is going to say "s$%t" every time (s)he wants your attention.
• talk to your kid about when that language is or isn't appropriate. maybe you think it's never appropriate. or, maybe, you think it's okay when you are extremely angry. kids aren't stupid. talk to them, rationally, and they will understand. my kids knew their boundaries. of course they used that language, but never at school, or church, or anywhere it might offend someone. 
• be more concerned with the messages of ALL the words we speak, and the tone we use when we speak them. i'm more concerned with words that sound judgmental, gossipy, or condescending. 

or, you could just yell "EARMUFFS!" right before you let the f~word fly.

^one of cody's favorite shows...no profanity included^

^"earmuff it for me"^

FLASHBACK november 2012

"when i see your face...there's not a thing that i would change...'cause you're amazing just the way you are..."
a couple comes in with a broken handbag. "this is the first purse i ever bought that cost as much as a car payment! i can't believe the strap is already broken! and, i took it back to the store i bought it at, and she said she couldn't help me...but there has to be a way...i've only had this purse two months" i am positive i can help them. she has no receipt. she has no tag. she can't remember which credit card she used. one hour, and a bunch of laughs, later, she walks out with a brand new bag. five minutes later, a manager approaches me and tells me that she was stopped by a couple that gushed about their amazing experience...told her i was a truly magical person...and vowed to only shop at our store, even though it's  30 miles farther from home than our closest store. i float on a cloud the rest of my shift. who knew that a compliment would hold THAT kind of power? 
*special note: i, also, diagnosed the problem with the bag. during shipping, the handbags are carefully wrapped and taped, and it takes incredible feats of strength to unwrap them. someone had used a box cutter to slit the tape and had slit the strap on both ends. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS look over your handbag (designer or otherwise) and look for nicks, slits, or scratches.* 
FLASH FORWARD today
yes. it's nice to be recognized for our hard work, or our new look, or our sense of humor. but the power of a compliment is often overlooked. a japanese study found that compliments can improve performance in every aspect, from school to social life to the workplace. *participants were required to complete a finger sequence on a keyboard as fast as they could in 30 seconds. one group received compliments, one group watched as other members were complimented, and one group rated their own performance. the group that received compliments improved their performance the following day.* compliments actually stimulate the same part of the brain (the striatum) that is activated when cash is given, prompting us to work harder. hmmmmm......
today is world compliment day. the idea behind it? much like valentine's day, secretary's day, or mother's day, it's a day to let the people in your life KNOW you appreciate them. no cards. no gifts. just a compliment. it's free. and it will make you both feel good.

^never underestimate a pat on the head^

FLASHBACK 1981

kat and i are dieting. we don't NEED to be dieting but, like all teenage girls in the history of ever, we think we do. and we're doing it right. we have dexatrim. and we take 2 about 30 minutes before dad comes in with burger king. we figure he might be a little mad to find out we're taking diet pills so...we eat the whoppers...we eat the fries...and we're sick the rest of the night. that's the last time we take diet pills. we know they work, though, because we never ever want to see whoppers. ever. again.
FLASH FORWARD february 24, 2013
i'm watching the oscar red carpet arrivals on e. guiliana rancic and kelly osborne are hosting. i am struck by how amazing kelly looks. not because of her dress. not because of her makeup. because of the fact that she has curves. oh. she's not fat, by any stretch of the imagination. but she is not emaciated. and, sadly, i know there are people saying she's fat simply because she isn't a stick figure.
FLASH FORWARD today
fact: americans spend over $40 billion on dieting and diet related products each year.
fact: the average american woman is 5'4" and weighs 164 lbs...the average model? 5'11" and 117 lbs (what?).
fact: over 1/2 of teenage girls and 1/3 of teenage boys attempt to lose weight via unhealthy methods. those methods? skipping meals, fasting, laxatives, vomiting.
fact: in the us, 5 to 10 million people have eating disorders compared to 4 million people with alzheimer's.
fact: society's emphasis on appearance and thinness promotes unhealthy dieting and blinds us to people suffering from eating disorders.
fact: eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.
fact: an active teenager should be consuming AT LEAST 2500~3000 calories per day to maintain their weight. an active adult? 2000.
fact: as adults, we model the behaviors our children learn...this includes eating and exercise habits, as well as how we view our bodies and judge others.

national eating disorder awareness week is february 24~march 2. take this time to arm yourself with the tools that could help you, or someone you love. click here for more information.

other helpful links:

http://www.allianceforeatingdisorders.com/
http://www.something-fishy.org/
and lady gaga's site to help promote self~acceptance

                             

FLASHBACK 1876

"how much is that doggie in the window?"
a group of men meet regularly, in a manhattan bar, and share hunting stories and brag about how amazing their dogs are. they form a club and name it after their favorite hotel bar. the westminster breeding club is born.
FLASH FORWARD may 8, 1877
the first westminster kennel club dog show is held. over 1200 dogs, mostly hunting dogs, are entered causing the event to last four days, instead of the scheduled three. all proceeds from the fourth day are donated to the aspca.
FLASH FORWARD 1948
the westminster dog show is aired on television for the first time. which leads me to:
FLASH FORWARD february 1993
upstate new york is FREEEEEEEZING and covered in snow. nobody...NOBODY...goes outside. i read books. i flip thru magazines. i clean house. i start channel surfing. awwwwwwww...look at the doggies. i want one of those! and i want one of those!! and OH. MY. GOD!!! i want one of THOSE!!!! the boys want one of those! and they want one of those!! an OH. MY. GOD!!! they want one of THOSE!!! i tell their daddy. "NO!! we do NOT need a dog!" yes we do. all little boys should have a dog, especially a gentle giant. a dog that is meant to be loyal and protective. "well. if we were to get a dog, it would be one of THOSE." i'm sure he's saying that because he thinks i'll never find one. i start reading dog fancy magazine. i find all sorts of breeders. i call the closest one...200 miles away. "$1200.00" wait? what?! that's crazy! i keep calling...and calling...and calling. "well...usually my dogs go for $1200, but i have one female left from this last litter. she's 13 weeks old...she's defective...her teeth are crooked. you'll never be ever to show her in this condition. you can have her for $500." number 1~i have no intention of showing her and b~defective? that's harsh, i have to save her. SOLD!!! but she's in ohio? how will i get her? "i can fly her to you...$600 for the dog and her flight." SOLD!!! we are so excited to get her...she's arriving at 7pm. then, a phone call from the airline "all flights out of syracuse have been cancelled due to weather". wait? what?!! goober, you are just going to have to drive down there and get her. "are you nuts?! i am not driving 2½ hours away in an ice storm to get a DOG!!". he drove 2½ hours away in an ice storm.

belle was one of the best dogs anyone could ever have. a great pyrenees. gentle giants, great pyrenees are confident, gentle, and loyal. all of these things i learned from the westminster dog show. what didn't i learn? they shed. i know, i know, all dogs shed. but great pyrenees...well they shed 365 days a year! and not little dog hairs all over your furniture. CLUMPS! clumps of fluffy white hair all over everything!! and they slobber. belle put "beethoven" to shame. seriously. i AM NOT making that up. and they're stubborn making them difficult  to train. belle would go potty outside, like a good girl should, and take her praise...then, she would finish pottying in the living room as soon as i turned my back. i adored belle...and i would not have traded her for anything in the world. but, for future reference..next time i see one of THOSE (!!) dogs on the westminster dog show, i am totally doing my research before i rush out and buy one (better yet, find one to rescue!).
so. you just saw one of THOSE (!!) dogs and you are thinking you simply must have one? here are some things you might need to consider:

• can't stand dog hair all over your new sofa? try a yorkshire terrier, a dachshund (in particular smooth or wire haired), shih tzu, miniature schnauzer, boston terrier, maltese, bichon frise, west highland terrier, or havanese. also, poodles and poodle mixes. this doesn't mean they don't need grooming, just that they shed very little or not at all. 
• can't stand slobber? avoid st bernards, great pyrenees, bull dogs, english setters, coonhounds. generally, if their jowls droop, they slobber. there are exceptions to every rule but....
• need a dog that's great with kids? bulldogs, golden retrievers, labrador retrievers, beagles, collies just to name a few. i researched breeds that are considered not great with kids. that list overwhelmingly included: chihuahuas, pitt bulls, rottweillers, chows, and dalamations. but i have known people that had (or have) these breeds and they have been great with kids. i personally believe ANY dog can be great with kids if raised, and treated, properly. 
• you have no patience for a stubborn dog? border collies, labs, golden retrievers, dobermans, and german sheperds all have reputations for being easy to train. 
• consider rescue, as opposed to purchasing from a breeder. there is a rescue group for nearly every breed known to man. why? because people DO NOT do their research and purchase a breed they can't handle, or buy a dog on impulse that they don't have time for.

good luck not getting puppy fever while enjoying the westminster kennel club dog show! and don't forget to do your research!!

                          

LIVE TELEVISION COVERAGE:
Monday, February 11, 8pm-11pm ET, Live on CNBC
Tuesday, February 12, 8pm-11pm ET, Live on USA Network

^because it's cute and hilarious^