FLASHBACK september 11, 2001

"imagine all the people living life in peace"

i am rushing around getting ready. charlotte and i are taking our 6 kids, plus a few of their friends, to see incubus next month. the tickets go on sale today. a trip to house of blues and some early christmas shopping are in order. kids successfully dropped off at their various schools? check. make-up and hair done? check. money? well poop. i rush out the door and head to the bank. 8:46am...my cash is dispensed from the atm (i know because i still have the receipt). i walk into charlotte's house. she's in her room staring at the today show. "you won't believe what just happened! crazy!!". the camera is focused on the world trade center and smoke is billowing from one of them. matt lauer and katie couric are discussing what could have caused this horrible accident. and then it happened. live. on our tv screen. the whole world watched as a second plane crashed into the world trade center. this was no accident. panic sets in. should i get my kids from school? should i leave them there? what is going on? 
FLASH FORWARD today
14 years have passed. there is a memorial where the towers stood. i haven't seen it but i have been to ground zero while it was being built. you can't help but talk a little softer, be a little nicer, be a lot more respectful when you're there. you can't help but remember how everyone in this country came together after that attack. we don't need to remember 9/11 on september 11. we need to remember 9/11 every single day. we need to be a lot more respectful of each other. we need to be a little nicer to each other. we need to talk a little softer to each other. we need to come together. "for united we stand, divided we fall...and if our backs  
should ever be against the wall...we'll be together, together, you and i".

^part of south tower from world trade center^

THROWBACK THURSDAY

A REPEAT...
"he ain't heavy, he's my brother..."
FLASHBACK october 9, 1967
i am a happy toddler. i live with my mama and daddy in a nice house. we have a dog. life is good.
FLASH FORWARD october 10, 1967
the nightmare begins. mama and daddy bring HIM home. a little brother. "aren't you excited to be a big sister?" ummmmmm. no. no i'm not.
FLASH FORWARD 1970 something
i can't get rid of him. queenie and i are at the park? he is there. queenie and i are at the pool? he is there. queenie spends the night? he is there. he. never. goes. away. he tries to kill me...on multiple occasions. thank you whoever invented locks on doors. and there are times he needs my protection. yeah, exorcist demon, you will not possess my little brother because i'm letting him sleep in my room. 

             

FLASH FORWARD 1980 something
he's in high school now. and is kind of gigantic. no one realizes he's just a freshman. my friends become his friends. he's at all the same parties. the same homecomings. the same proms. he makes getting a date tough, however.  it's hard to get a date when every guy at school has seen you first thing in the morning. with your hair standing on end and no make~up. but, all in all, he's not so bad. 

       

 

FLASH FORWARD today

he's kind of a d~bag.  but he's my d~bag. he's given me a sister. he's given my 2 beautiful nieces. he's my dearest friend AND the bane of my existence.

today is national sibling day. celebrate your brothers and/or sisters...they are the ones that taught you "fairness and cooperation and kindness and caring" (pamela dugdale).

a gallery of siblings:

                         

THE SUNDAY PAPER (or book or blog or mag)

"free your mind and the rest will follow..."                                      
FLASHBACK 1966
in hanover, virginia, parents complain that a discussion of rape, in to kill a mockingbird, is immoral and call for it to be removed from the school reading list.
FLASH FORWARD 1977
in eden valley, minnesota to kill a mockingbird is banned because of the words "damn" and "whore lady".
 FLASH FORWARD (1980 something)
i'm given a reading assignment. i'm not excited. how can i be excited about a book, written in the 60's, about people living in 30's? but, to kill a mockingbird will quickly become one of my favorites. i want an atticus finch and boo radley in my life. *for those unfamiliar with the story, to kill a mockingbird is a lesson in social inequality as told thru the eyes of six year old scout. and you should totally read it*
FLASH FORWARD 1984
the waukegan, illinois school district bans to kill a mockingbird because the "n" word is used 48 times in 211 pages.
FLASH FORWARD 2003
to kill a mockingbird is banned from normal, illinois community high school's sophomore literature class because it's "degrading to african americans".
TODAY
people continue to attempt to ban books from schools and public libraries. and to kill a mockingbird is always on the list of banned and challenged books. it's in good company with the great gatsby, the lord of the flies, and the grapes of wrath. the top 10 banned books of 2012~2013 are:

1. captain underpants, dav pilkey (offensive language and unsuited for age group)
2. the absolute true diary of a part time indian, sherman alexie (offensive language, racism, sexually explicit, unsuited for age group)
3. 13 reasons why, jay asher (drugs/alcohol/smoking, sexually explicit, suicide, unsuited for age group)
4. 50 shades of grey, e.l. james (offensive language, sexually explicit)
5. and tango makes three, peter parnell and justin richardson (homosexuality, unsuited for age group)
6. the kite runner, khaled hosseini (homosexuality, offensive language, religious viewpoint, sexually explicit)
7. looking for alaska, john green (offensive language, sexually explicit, unsuited for age group)
8. scary stories, alvin schwartz (unsuited for age group, violence)
9. the glass castle, jeannette walls (offensive language, sexually explicit)
10. beloved, toni morrison (sexually explicit, religious viewpoint, violence)

september 22 thru 28 is banned books week. celebrate your right to read whatever you choose by selecting books off the banned books list and participating in the virtual read~out! 

^two of these books have been banned, or challenged, from schools or public libraries. can you guess which two?

SUNDAY LESSONS

"karma karma karma karma karma chameleon...."

FLASHBACK a few weeks back
i get a phone call. "did you hear what blah blah blah did?" what?! no! "yeah. blah blah blah did yadda yadda yadda! and then this and that happened". omg. (you can insert any horrible gossip you like, it won't change the outcome of my story, or hurt my feelings).
FLASH FORWARD september 14, 2013
it's my typical morning. all's quiet, except for the bk taking an occasional deep breath, in his sleep. the only light is the glare from my computer. i scroll through a little facebook. a little twitter. and a lot of pinterest. and, then, i see it. blah blah blah, who had done the horrible~awful yadda yadda yadda is spending quite a bit of time talking about karma. what? dude!? you know karma's coming after you, right?! it annoys me, so i change my facebook status:

lots of people agree with me. the bk and i talk about it for a minute and i go on with my life. the next 20 minutes goes like this: i stub my toe, on the way to the kitchen *karma*. i start cooking bacon and i burn the first few pieces *karma*. i pour grits into the boiling water and, before i blink, they are blowing the lid off the pot *karma*. i make the perfect sunny~side up egg, and it sticks to the spatula when i am transferring it to the plate *karma*. i am grumbling. what is going on? "weren't you the one who said that when you wish bad karma on people it gets you, too?" ugh.

FLASH FORWARD today
i just wanted to remind everyone NOT to wish bad karma on people. always be kind. karma will get them when she's ready, but you don't want her coming after you in the meantime.

have a great day peeps!

SUNDAY COMICS

"do your boobs hang low? do they wobble to and fro? can you tie 'em in a knot? can you tie 'em in a bow?"

FLASHBACK 2007/08 (my sources are a little sketchy here because...well...they're raelians and that's just weird)

claude vorilhon...who prefers to be called rael because he is, in fact, the leader of the raelians (which are members of the ufo religion called the raelian movement...which, i think, requires a whole other blog post)...starts an annual event called "go topless". the idea is simple. women are being oppressed because it's illegal for them to walk around town topless even though they're male counterparts can do as they please. never-mind that women really don't want to see moobies. 

FLASH FORWARD today

tomorrow is women's equality day, celebrating the day women earned the right to do something ACTUALLY worth while...vote. so, today, there will be protests all over the country, in an attempt to get women another right. the right to bare breasts. women will be topless (although most will wear pasties because the don't want to get arrested) and men are encouraged to cover their moobs with pasties or bras. i will be at a baseball game. with my top on. why? because great american ballpark is NOT st tropez. 

now, if you are interested in going around your city showing off your tatas, you can check out gotopless.org for more information. personally, i believe we should protest men's right to bare chests because...let's face it...unless you're channing tatum, you should probably keep your shirt on. 

ps...if you choose to go topless today understand that i'm not judging you. unless you have disgusting moobies. then, i am. i am totally judging you. 

WHAT UP WEDNESDAY

FLASHBACK november 2012
i blogged, word for word, the following:

"you put your chocolate in my peanut butter...you put your chocolate in my peanut butter"
FLASHBACK 2002
i haven't always been terrified of peanut butter. oh. i've always hated peanut butter. HATED peanut butter. but not AFRAID peanut butter. why do i hate peanut butter? it doesn't taste like peanuts. AT ALL. it looks like it belongs in a baby diaper. seriously. and it grows when you put it in mouth. yes, it does!! it grows and gets stuck on the roof of your mouth...and then you can't swallow. or breathe. and you think you're gonna die. you think i'm exaggerating. i am not. but, as much as i hate peanut butter, i was never afraid of it...until. until my kids saw a very special clip from cky, the guys that, eventually, brought us jackass. that clip, "rake yohn hates mustard", inspired them to attack me with peanut butter. it started with a simple finger of peanut butter to the face. GROSS!!! then, the onslaught began. walk in the house...get a face full of peanut butter. walk out of the bathroom...get a face full of peanut butter. stand at the stove, cooking dinner...get a face full of peanut butter. i. am now. legitimately. afraid of peanut butter.
FLASH FORWARD september 2010
i have the hiccups. it's horrible. bridgette says "a spoonful of peanut butter will get rid of them." i am not letting peanut butter anywhere near me. "fine. just sit over there hiccuping." ugh! this is super annoying! so...i suck it up. jamie covers my eyes and bridgette sticks a spoonful of peanut butter in my mouth. it tastes HORRIBLE!! i start crying. the hiccups go away. "see! we told you it would work!" it only worked because i was AFRAID i was going to choke to death!!

FLASH FORWARD august 16~17,2013
i make a batch of peanut butter cookies, for the bk, and blog about my experience and the recipe. the recipe makes 4 dozen cookies, and there are only two of us. only one of us is weird enough to eat them, so i take most of them to work. the questions begin: why don't you like peanut butter? you can't eat it at all?!! WHAT?! what do you mean you're scared of it?! turns out, i'm not the only person with a fear of food. we start a list. first, cottage cheese. cottage cheese makes the list three times. THREE?!  i'll admit i hate cottage cheese. HATE IT!! but scared of it? why is it scary? all three women point out it's slimy. and lumpy. and just plain gross. one says she can't eat stouffer's lasagna because the ricotta cheese reminds her of cottage cheese. then, anchovies. again, i hate anchovies. HATE THEM. they're salty. and fishy. and ruin a perfectly good pizza. but i'm not scared of them. when i ask why they're scary all the girl does is shudder. the next response? raisins. RAISINS? what? why? 
"because they look like bugs. bugs." omg!! THEY DO!! they do look like bugs!! ack!! 

turns out, i'm not alone in my food phobia. it's a thing.  cibophobia is the fear of food, in general. it is, often, confused with anorexia because people who suffer cibophobia will be seen avoiding foods. they usually avoid foods that they consider risky, like mayonnaise. why is mayo risky? it can spoil. can you imagine a mouthful of spoiled mayo? bleck. i avoid peanut butter for ALL the reasons mentioned above. and, i learned i suffer from arachibutyrophobia, the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth. there is no name for the other reasons i'm scared of peanut butter. but at least i know i'm not alone.
so...how do you know you have a fear of food and not a simple dislike? if you get nauseous, shaky, dizzy,  or get heart palpitations you have a fear. if you look at cottage cheese and simply say "gross", you probably just don't like it. 
what about a cure? supposedly, if you gradually expose yourself to the food you will, eventually, get over your fear. okay. no. this is not true. i have tried, on multiple occasions, to get over my fear *see above hiccup incident* and dislike. it's not happening. and i figure i lived this all these years without peanut butter in my life...i can last a few 30 or 40 more.

 do you have a food phobia? tell me about it...:)


ps...the fear of raisins. yeah. it's called inyaphobia. it's a real thing, too...

IT'S FRIDAY I'M IN LOVE

"song...song of the south...sweet potato pie and hush my mouth..."
FLASHBACK april 1986
i move to north carolina. within a month, my family cannot understand a word i say.
FLASH FORWARD 2009 until today
this happens almost daily~
remember when you said blah blah blah? bk "ummmm...when did i say that?". you know? the other day...when we were moving my stuff into your apartment. "the other day? that was 4 years ago...it was NOT 'the OTHER day'!".

or

the other day you asked me blah blah blah and...bk "the other day as in the other day? or the other day as in 30 years ago?".

FLASH FORWARD august 15, 2013

i'm fixin to head to starbucks, do y'all need anything? "you're fixin? what?".

okay. fine. so i picked up a few southernisms after living in the carolinas for 23 years...24 actually, since the bk and i lived there for a year. and most of my mid~west and west coast friends have a tiny bit of trouble understanding me at times. so...i thought, maybe, i would take this opportunity to teach you how to get along in the south...

• you should always be barefoot or in flip flops, and i will push it as close to the limit as i possibly can. 
• sweet tea is just "tea", it should always be sweet.  
• "bless your heart" doesn't mean that at all...and you will never, hardly ever, hear me say it.
• i stopped calling my parent's mom and dad 27 years ago...they are "mama" and "daddy".
• "fixin" doesn't mean to ACTUALLY fix something...it means i'm getting ready to do something or go somewhere...as in "i'm fixin to go to the store" or "i'm fixin to bake cookies" or "i'm fixin to roundhouse kick you in the face".
• "the other day" can be anywhere from yesterday to november 1965.
• bbq is pulled pork...all other "bbq" is called by it's name: brisket, chicken, and whatever else you cook on a grill...
• speaking of bbq...it's not a pig roast, it's a pig pickin because, duh doy, everyone is pickin meat off the pig. and you have slaw, and beans, and pig pickin cake. or else it's not a real pig pickin.
• if i say "i'm about to monkey" it means i'm super super hot and sweaty. cuz, well, monkeys are sweaty? i have no idea...you just say it in the deep south.
• "i swanee" means "i swear". i hardly ever say that, but if i do now you'll know what i mean...
• "drink" means coke and not a mixed drink. if you are asking me over for a cocktail you better be specific. also, if i say "coke" i mean soda...any soda...if i say "diet coke" i mean diet soda...any diet soda. it's not hard.
• grits. this is important. people in the mid~west have NO CLUE about the proper way to enjoy grits. they put butter on them! bleck! and SUGAR!! bleck! bleck!! and, sometimes, even milk!! BLECK! BLECK!! BLECK!!! grits should be served all mixed up with runny eggs (preferably sunny~side up) with lots of salt and pepper. and, if you haven't tried them, you should. you really should.

^barefootin^

^good ol' southern seafood^

^a rare sight in the south^

^in the south, we don't hide our crazy...we put 'em on the front porch for everyone to see^

do you have any southernisms not listed here? and, maybe, you want to know what they mean? i'll be happy to help you out ☺

the more you know.....

"BETTER PUT THEM IN QUOTATIONS...

...say what you need to say..."

FLASHBACK march 22, 2013

i walk in the house and the bk is on the phone. he's excited about something but refuses to say. he hands me the phone and the voice on the other end says "so. do you prefer auntie (auhntie) or auntie (antie)?" ummmm...auntie (antie) duh doy! wait? whaat?! OMG!!! 

FLASH FORWARD march 28, 2013

i get a tearful phone call. "i'm on my way to the hospital. there's bleeding." it is an ectopic pregnancy.  of course they are devastated. but, also, hopeful. the doctor is positive they will get pregnant again. 

FLASH FORWARD today

never the person to have things go smoothly, this tubal pregnancy isn't over yet. there was a surgery on march 28. there was a dose (actually 2) of chemo on april 12. and an emergency surgery on april 14 that required removing the fallopian tube. the doctor is, still, certain she will conceive again. 

i offered my support in the form of ben & jerry's ice cream and a walking dead marathon. i, also, offered to shave her head if the chemo caused hair loss (which, by the way, can happen with one dose or not at all). but i avoided all the cliche sayings: "you're young. you can try again". duh. she knows this. "i know how you feel". no. no i don't. i can't even imagine. i had 2 very normal, happy, pregnancies and 1 that was complicated but still resulted in a happy, healthy baby. "everything happens for a reason". okay. i DO believe this. but, really? i'm not sure i want to understand the reason. and the statement isn't comforting, at all. 

deaths of loved ones, cancer, loss of a pregnancy...whatever the cause, offering support and comfort can, often, be difficult. how can you know what to say (or not) or do when you've never experienced it? you can't really, because it's personal and will be different for everyone. some people are going to want all your attention. and some are going to wish you would just go away. but i do have some ideas:

• do make contact. call, visit, email...but do offer your condolences and help. the person will let you know if the help is wanted. *when offering help be specific: can i bring you a meal? don't say "how can i help?" forcing them to think about what they might need done.* 
• listen. listen but DO NOT offer advice unless they ask for it. 
• don't say "i know how you feel". even if you think you do, they are feeling their own emotions, which might be different from how you felt.
• offer real help, like running errands. or bringing food. *idea: take toilet paper, paper towels, and tissues. especially in the case of a death in the family, lots of people will be dropping by and bringing food. paper products are the last thing on the family's mind.*
• avoid the cliches: he/she is in a better place, everything happens for a reason, or it could be worse. even if you believe it to be true, these statements don't help with the grieving process. the person will come to these conclusions on their own. in their own time. 
• understand that people heal in their own time. don't push them to get on with their lives at your pace. 

^pets can be incredibly comforting^

FLASHBACK december 2008

i've told this story before: like i have done countless other trips to philly, i have breakfast at a diner before heading to the airport. i give a hot cup of coffee, a donut, and 5 bucks to the homeless lady bundled in blankets beside the building. i'm paying it forward. 
FLASH FORWARD december 14, 2012
i am sitting in my living room...eating lunch...watching the local news. they begin talking about a school shooting. any school shooting is horrible, but this one. this one is different. far more devastating. i spend the rest of my day in tears as more and more news becomes available. 26 people are dead. 6 adults. 20 beautiful first graders. my heart is shattered.
FLASH FORWARD december 15, 2012
as more information becomes available, facebook becomes a political soapbox for people...some screaming for gun control...others opposed to it...some people opening a debate about god in schools...i immediately close my computer. do these people have the right to discuss this? of course they do. but i have the right not to read it. this is not a time to argue politics...it's a time to grieve and pay respect to those who lost their lives. 
FLASH FORWARD december 18, 2012
the debates have subsided...people seem to understand it can wait a few days. now a new movement has begun. people on facebook and twitter are screaming "PAY IT FORWARD!!!!"...i'm proud of all my friends for pushing this movement. some of them are truly committed to it. the only thing that saddens me: why would it take a senseless act of violence to wake people up? shouldn't we ALWAYS be paying forward?
need some ideas for paying forward? my first thought is: it should come from the heart...and it doesn't necessarily have to cost money...but here are some simple ideas:

1. over~tip your waiter/bartender/delivery driver
2. pay for a random person's dinner (in the drive~thru: the car behind you; in a restaurant: pick a random table)
3. leave a gift card on someone's windshield (grocery store, target, coffeehouse)
4. take a cup of coffee to your doorman or security guard at your office
5. give that homeless person your spare change WITHOUT questioning what (s)he might spend it on
6. give your time to a homeless shelter
7. go visit people in a nursing home
8. donate toys to toys for tots or your local children's hospital
9. bake cookies for your teachers, policemen, first responders
10. leave a brief note and money in a book in the bookstore or library
11. scrape all the windows in the parking lot before you go to work
12. buy a homeless person a blanket
13. give a stranger flowers
14. give a stranger candy (i suggest nothing with peanuts...you never know who might be allergic!)
15. let the person behind you in line go ahead of you, even if they have a HUGE cart full
16. pick an angel off the angel tree: get them everything on the list plus something fun
17. send a care package to a soldier...
18. leave quarters in all the gum ball machines at the store
19. take dog biscuits and cat treats to your local animal shelter
20. buy a weeks worth of groceries and give them to a needy family (you can find a family in need thru a local church or soup kitchen)

these are just a few simple ideas...i would love to hear any ideas you have...:)

  

                            

^a check list if you want to participate in 26 acts of kindness or you could just do something everyday^

i apologize in advance: this IS gonna bring tears to your eyes

FLASHBACK august 2011

"when you're weak, i'll be strong...when you let go, i'll hold on"

my mom sends me an email.  she says a friend of mine, that i had (unfortunately) lost contact with, is battling breast cancer.  i contact her via facebook and mend that relationship.  why? because the moment you hear someone is battling the "big c" you realize how precious life truly is. you realize how petty you've been. 
FLASH FORWARD christmas 2011
jamie gets a text.  it's devastating news.  a friend of ours has stage 4 colon cancer that spread to his liver. how do you come back from that?  no really.  how DO you come back from that? 
FLASH FORWARD september 13, 2012
julie is a survivor.  she was declared cancer free a little while back.  and craig.  craig with the stage 4 cancer that had already begun to spread.  today.  TODAY he was declared cancer free.  yep.  that's what i said.  CANCER FREE.
medicine helped...of that i'm sure.  but i am 45000% positive that it was something else that helped them heal.  their attitudes.  yes...people prayed.  yes...people sent good thoughts.  yes...people offered support.  but they never gave up.  they never backed down.  they always kept a brave face.  when other people were on facebook complaining of migraines (hello? if you have a migraine, why are you on the computer?).  when other people were on facebook complaining about how unfair life is because someone bought the last newspaper.  they were on facebook talking about how beautiful life is.  they were on facebook smiling because cancer patients get special parking spaces.  they were on facebook inspiring us to be better people.  
FLASH FORWARD today
today is "stand up to cancer day".  1 in 2 men and 1 in 3 women will suffer some form of cancer in their lifetime, according to the american cancer society.  the big c can affect us all.  a friend.  a partner.  a parent.  a sibling.  cancer can touch all our lives.  so today (and everyday) consider donating to the cause.  raise money in support of cancer research and treatments.  volunteer your time to charities that support this cause.  but, most importantly, honor those who have been affected.  LET'S KICK CANCER'S A$$!!!