FLASHBACK 1692

a little repeat to celebrate the season:
"you've got to pick up every stitch...mmmm must be the season of the witch"
a history lesson for halloween: although i could go all the way back to 1484, and the publishing of malleus malificarum, to tell you about witch hunting...i'm going to stick with a more familiar story...the salem witch trials.
puritans who had settled in salem town and salem village, massachusetts, had a huge fear of paganism. they felt it threatened their way of life. something as silly as guessing a future event or having a wart on your nose could brand you a witch, which was punishable by death. yep. i said it. you could be killed for having a wart on your nose. okay. so, this reverend named samuel parris brings a slave woman, tituba, to care for his daughter, betty. tituba will, also, be caring for his niece, abigail williams.  tituba is from barbados and brings her voodoo with her. the girls in the village are fascinated. duh doy!! who wouldn't be, right? am i right? i know i'm right. anyway....the girls start acting like psychos. they are having fits of hysteria. they're throwing things around the house. they're contorting their bodies. making strange sounds. it sounds more like pms than witchcraft, but nobody asked me...now this doctor, william griggs enters the picture. since it's 1692 and no one knows anything about pms, he says the girls are afflicted by witchcraft. hmmmmm....
now other girls in the village are acting out. only they start calling out names of the WITCHES that are cursing them. you know, when i was a kid, nobody would have believed me if i said "regina is a witch", but it's whatever...anyway. if a wart could get you accused, imagine what would happen if an afflicted girl called out your name?!! now you're accused of consorting with the devil. you're interrogated. there is a trial, and you are found guilty, even though the only evidence is what the afflicted CLAIM to see. and imprisonment, or possibly death, will follow. a total of 20 deaths resulted from the salem witch trials.
enter the reverend francis dane. he was suspicious of the girls and saw something very wrong with these trials. he petitioned the governor and the courts saying the accusations were unfounded. he soon had support from increase mather, a puritan minister who was highly involved in the government of the colonies. he wrote, in a publication called cases of conscience concerning evil spirits, "it were better that 10 suspected witches should escape, than 1 innocent person should be condemned". after one final trial, all the accused witches, still in jail, were set free in may of 1693.
FLASH FORWARD today
we no longer burn suspected witches at the stake. and many people practice witchcraft freely. today's witchcraft takes on many different forms, but usually involves the use of divination, magic, and working with the elements (earth, wind, fire, and water), and working with unseen spirits and forces of nature. today's witches don't really fit the fantasy we have surrounded them with...they aren't green and wart covered. they don't melt when doused with water. however, i am fairly certain they will die if you drop your house on them. 

              

 

                                           

THE SUNDAY PAPER (or book or blog or mag)

"free your mind and the rest will follow..."                                      
FLASHBACK 1966
in hanover, virginia, parents complain that a discussion of rape, in to kill a mockingbird, is immoral and call for it to be removed from the school reading list.
FLASH FORWARD 1977
in eden valley, minnesota to kill a mockingbird is banned because of the words "damn" and "whore lady".
 FLASH FORWARD (1980 something)
i'm given a reading assignment. i'm not excited. how can i be excited about a book, written in the 60's, about people living in 30's? but, to kill a mockingbird will quickly become one of my favorites. i want an atticus finch and boo radley in my life. *for those unfamiliar with the story, to kill a mockingbird is a lesson in social inequality as told thru the eyes of six year old scout. and you should totally read it*
FLASH FORWARD 1984
the waukegan, illinois school district bans to kill a mockingbird because the "n" word is used 48 times in 211 pages.
FLASH FORWARD 2003
to kill a mockingbird is banned from normal, illinois community high school's sophomore literature class because it's "degrading to african americans".
TODAY
people continue to attempt to ban books from schools and public libraries. and to kill a mockingbird is always on the list of banned and challenged books. it's in good company with the great gatsby, the lord of the flies, and the grapes of wrath. the top 10 banned books of 2012~2013 are:

1. captain underpants, dav pilkey (offensive language and unsuited for age group)
2. the absolute true diary of a part time indian, sherman alexie (offensive language, racism, sexually explicit, unsuited for age group)
3. 13 reasons why, jay asher (drugs/alcohol/smoking, sexually explicit, suicide, unsuited for age group)
4. 50 shades of grey, e.l. james (offensive language, sexually explicit)
5. and tango makes three, peter parnell and justin richardson (homosexuality, unsuited for age group)
6. the kite runner, khaled hosseini (homosexuality, offensive language, religious viewpoint, sexually explicit)
7. looking for alaska, john green (offensive language, sexually explicit, unsuited for age group)
8. scary stories, alvin schwartz (unsuited for age group, violence)
9. the glass castle, jeannette walls (offensive language, sexually explicit)
10. beloved, toni morrison (sexually explicit, religious viewpoint, violence)

september 22 thru 28 is banned books week. celebrate your right to read whatever you choose by selecting books off the banned books list and participating in the virtual read~out! 

^two of these books have been banned, or challenged, from schools or public libraries. can you guess which two?

IT'S FRIDAY I'M IN LOVE

"song...song of the south...sweet potato pie and hush my mouth..."
FLASHBACK april 1986
i move to north carolina. within a month, my family cannot understand a word i say.
FLASH FORWARD 2009 until today
this happens almost daily~
remember when you said blah blah blah? bk "ummmm...when did i say that?". you know? the other day...when we were moving my stuff into your apartment. "the other day? that was 4 years ago...it was NOT 'the OTHER day'!".

or

the other day you asked me blah blah blah and...bk "the other day as in the other day? or the other day as in 30 years ago?".

FLASH FORWARD august 15, 2013

i'm fixin to head to starbucks, do y'all need anything? "you're fixin? what?".

okay. fine. so i picked up a few southernisms after living in the carolinas for 23 years...24 actually, since the bk and i lived there for a year. and most of my mid~west and west coast friends have a tiny bit of trouble understanding me at times. so...i thought, maybe, i would take this opportunity to teach you how to get along in the south...

• you should always be barefoot or in flip flops, and i will push it as close to the limit as i possibly can. 
• sweet tea is just "tea", it should always be sweet.  
• "bless your heart" doesn't mean that at all...and you will never, hardly ever, hear me say it.
• i stopped calling my parent's mom and dad 27 years ago...they are "mama" and "daddy".
• "fixin" doesn't mean to ACTUALLY fix something...it means i'm getting ready to do something or go somewhere...as in "i'm fixin to go to the store" or "i'm fixin to bake cookies" or "i'm fixin to roundhouse kick you in the face".
• "the other day" can be anywhere from yesterday to november 1965.
• bbq is pulled pork...all other "bbq" is called by it's name: brisket, chicken, and whatever else you cook on a grill...
• speaking of bbq...it's not a pig roast, it's a pig pickin because, duh doy, everyone is pickin meat off the pig. and you have slaw, and beans, and pig pickin cake. or else it's not a real pig pickin.
• if i say "i'm about to monkey" it means i'm super super hot and sweaty. cuz, well, monkeys are sweaty? i have no idea...you just say it in the deep south.
• "i swanee" means "i swear". i hardly ever say that, but if i do now you'll know what i mean...
• "drink" means coke and not a mixed drink. if you are asking me over for a cocktail you better be specific. also, if i say "coke" i mean soda...any soda...if i say "diet coke" i mean diet soda...any diet soda. it's not hard.
• grits. this is important. people in the mid~west have NO CLUE about the proper way to enjoy grits. they put butter on them! bleck! and SUGAR!! bleck! bleck!! and, sometimes, even milk!! BLECK! BLECK!! BLECK!!! grits should be served all mixed up with runny eggs (preferably sunny~side up) with lots of salt and pepper. and, if you haven't tried them, you should. you really should.

^barefootin^

^good ol' southern seafood^

^a rare sight in the south^

^in the south, we don't hide our crazy...we put 'em on the front porch for everyone to see^

do you have any southernisms not listed here? and, maybe, you want to know what they mean? i'll be happy to help you out ☺

the more you know.....

FLASHBACK 1981

kat and i are dieting. we don't NEED to be dieting but, like all teenage girls in the history of ever, we think we do. and we're doing it right. we have dexatrim. and we take 2 about 30 minutes before dad comes in with burger king. we figure he might be a little mad to find out we're taking diet pills so...we eat the whoppers...we eat the fries...and we're sick the rest of the night. that's the last time we take diet pills. we know they work, though, because we never ever want to see whoppers. ever. again.
FLASH FORWARD february 24, 2013
i'm watching the oscar red carpet arrivals on e. guiliana rancic and kelly osborne are hosting. i am struck by how amazing kelly looks. not because of her dress. not because of her makeup. because of the fact that she has curves. oh. she's not fat, by any stretch of the imagination. but she is not emaciated. and, sadly, i know there are people saying she's fat simply because she isn't a stick figure.
FLASH FORWARD today
fact: americans spend over $40 billion on dieting and diet related products each year.
fact: the average american woman is 5'4" and weighs 164 lbs...the average model? 5'11" and 117 lbs (what?).
fact: over 1/2 of teenage girls and 1/3 of teenage boys attempt to lose weight via unhealthy methods. those methods? skipping meals, fasting, laxatives, vomiting.
fact: in the us, 5 to 10 million people have eating disorders compared to 4 million people with alzheimer's.
fact: society's emphasis on appearance and thinness promotes unhealthy dieting and blinds us to people suffering from eating disorders.
fact: eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.
fact: an active teenager should be consuming AT LEAST 2500~3000 calories per day to maintain their weight. an active adult? 2000.
fact: as adults, we model the behaviors our children learn...this includes eating and exercise habits, as well as how we view our bodies and judge others.

national eating disorder awareness week is february 24~march 2. take this time to arm yourself with the tools that could help you, or someone you love. click here for more information.

other helpful links:

http://www.allianceforeatingdisorders.com/
http://www.something-fishy.org/
and lady gaga's site to help promote self~acceptance

                             

FLASHBACK 1982

"god forbid you ever had to walk a mile in his shoes"
i have mrs boulton for an english class. i don't remember much about the "english" she taught, but i do remember she spent a lot of time discussing stereotypes. not all black people can dance (example-have you ever seen president obama dance? it's not pretty). not all asians have kung fu powers (well...except for mr miyagi...that dude is bad a$$!!). not all gays use track lighting (sorry any character from "steel magnolias"). and, most importantly, not all blondes are dumb (yours truly is a natural blonde and i don't climb trees to rake leaves). these lessons have stuck with me, and i try very hard not to judge people by their race, religion, sexual orientation, hair color (!), etc.
FLASH FORWARD 2002
in april, i received a phone call from the grandfather of noah's best friend. would i like to fill in for his receptionist when she's out? sure! a little pocket change working a few days a month, in a senior center, sounds awesome. turns out, it was a few days a week because she had a lot of health problems. that led to a full time position scheduling in-home aides and cna's for the home care department. and that led to a promotion, managing the medicaid budget for a program that allows disabled adults and children to receive nursing home care in their own homes. i loved my jobs. all of them. 
FLASH FORWARD today
my experience has led to a HUMONGOUS pet peeve. i cannot stand...repeat...CANNOT STAND...when people stereotype people who are on government assistance. you hear it all the time. "people on welfare abuse the system". "people on assistance are lazy". "people on assistance are drug abusers". oh, it's true. SOME people on assistance fit in one, or all, of these categories. everyday, someone on assistance is driving a nice car, carrying an iphone, or selling their food stamps for drug money. but i will argue that these people are just the vocal minority. most of the people on assistance are actually trying hard to get themselves out of the system. the silent majority. these are the people that get up every morning and go job hunting, trying to better their situation. these are the people that are going to school, trying to increase their odds of getting a job that will afford them the ability to get off assistance. 
but let me tell you a story of one of those people driving a nice car, carrying a decent cell phone (not an iphone, because they weren't available at all companies), and dressing like a fashionista. she worked with me. her car? i sold it to her so she could get to work. and when i say sold, i mean she paid me when she could. it was not a great car but it LOOKED like a great car. her cell phone? i gave her mine when i got an upgrade, and added her to my plan. she paid the $10 charge for the added line. and her clothes? she shopped at goodwill and i gave her clothes that i never wore. and if someone bought me something in the wrong size, or a color i was not fond of, i would give them to her instead of returning them to the store. why would i do all this? because her job didn't pay much and, contrary to popular belief, the "assistance" people get is not truly enough for the average american to live off of (did you know that the average food stamp benefit in the state of ohio is only $139.87 per month! how much do you spend on food each month?). she needed that car to get to work. her job required her to travel to people's homes and everyone should have a cell phone for emergencies. and every girl should feel like a fashionista. 
i am not telling you this story so that you can say "wow...you're an awesome person!". i am telling you this story so that, next time you're in line at kroger and you see that person paying with food stamps, talking on her cell, and wearing designer jeans, maybe you'll remember. maybe you'll remember that someone may have given her that cell phone. maybe someone gave her those designer jeans. and maybe someone helped her buy that car. and maybe, just maybe, when you aren't looking, she's working really hard to get herself off that assistance. 

^the girls of the doa^

              

 

^okay...sometimes i didn't work too hard^