SUNDAY COMICS

"do your boobs hang low? do they wobble to and fro? can you tie 'em in a knot? can you tie 'em in a bow?"

FLASHBACK 2007/08 (my sources are a little sketchy here because...well...they're raelians and that's just weird)

claude vorilhon...who prefers to be called rael because he is, in fact, the leader of the raelians (which are members of the ufo religion called the raelian movement...which, i think, requires a whole other blog post)...starts an annual event called "go topless". the idea is simple. women are being oppressed because it's illegal for them to walk around town topless even though they're male counterparts can do as they please. never-mind that women really don't want to see moobies. 

FLASH FORWARD today

tomorrow is women's equality day, celebrating the day women earned the right to do something ACTUALLY worth while...vote. so, today, there will be protests all over the country, in an attempt to get women another right. the right to bare breasts. women will be topless (although most will wear pasties because the don't want to get arrested) and men are encouraged to cover their moobs with pasties or bras. i will be at a baseball game. with my top on. why? because great american ballpark is NOT st tropez. 

now, if you are interested in going around your city showing off your tatas, you can check out gotopless.org for more information. personally, i believe we should protest men's right to bare chests because...let's face it...unless you're channing tatum, you should probably keep your shirt on. 

ps...if you choose to go topless today understand that i'm not judging you. unless you have disgusting moobies. then, i am. i am totally judging you. 

WHAT UP WEDNESDAY

FLASHBACK november 2012
i blogged, word for word, the following:

"you put your chocolate in my peanut butter...you put your chocolate in my peanut butter"
FLASHBACK 2002
i haven't always been terrified of peanut butter. oh. i've always hated peanut butter. HATED peanut butter. but not AFRAID peanut butter. why do i hate peanut butter? it doesn't taste like peanuts. AT ALL. it looks like it belongs in a baby diaper. seriously. and it grows when you put it in mouth. yes, it does!! it grows and gets stuck on the roof of your mouth...and then you can't swallow. or breathe. and you think you're gonna die. you think i'm exaggerating. i am not. but, as much as i hate peanut butter, i was never afraid of it...until. until my kids saw a very special clip from cky, the guys that, eventually, brought us jackass. that clip, "rake yohn hates mustard", inspired them to attack me with peanut butter. it started with a simple finger of peanut butter to the face. GROSS!!! then, the onslaught began. walk in the house...get a face full of peanut butter. walk out of the bathroom...get a face full of peanut butter. stand at the stove, cooking dinner...get a face full of peanut butter. i. am now. legitimately. afraid of peanut butter.
FLASH FORWARD september 2010
i have the hiccups. it's horrible. bridgette says "a spoonful of peanut butter will get rid of them." i am not letting peanut butter anywhere near me. "fine. just sit over there hiccuping." ugh! this is super annoying! so...i suck it up. jamie covers my eyes and bridgette sticks a spoonful of peanut butter in my mouth. it tastes HORRIBLE!! i start crying. the hiccups go away. "see! we told you it would work!" it only worked because i was AFRAID i was going to choke to death!!

FLASH FORWARD august 16~17,2013
i make a batch of peanut butter cookies, for the bk, and blog about my experience and the recipe. the recipe makes 4 dozen cookies, and there are only two of us. only one of us is weird enough to eat them, so i take most of them to work. the questions begin: why don't you like peanut butter? you can't eat it at all?!! WHAT?! what do you mean you're scared of it?! turns out, i'm not the only person with a fear of food. we start a list. first, cottage cheese. cottage cheese makes the list three times. THREE?!  i'll admit i hate cottage cheese. HATE IT!! but scared of it? why is it scary? all three women point out it's slimy. and lumpy. and just plain gross. one says she can't eat stouffer's lasagna because the ricotta cheese reminds her of cottage cheese. then, anchovies. again, i hate anchovies. HATE THEM. they're salty. and fishy. and ruin a perfectly good pizza. but i'm not scared of them. when i ask why they're scary all the girl does is shudder. the next response? raisins. RAISINS? what? why? 
"because they look like bugs. bugs." omg!! THEY DO!! they do look like bugs!! ack!! 

turns out, i'm not alone in my food phobia. it's a thing.  cibophobia is the fear of food, in general. it is, often, confused with anorexia because people who suffer cibophobia will be seen avoiding foods. they usually avoid foods that they consider risky, like mayonnaise. why is mayo risky? it can spoil. can you imagine a mouthful of spoiled mayo? bleck. i avoid peanut butter for ALL the reasons mentioned above. and, i learned i suffer from arachibutyrophobia, the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth. there is no name for the other reasons i'm scared of peanut butter. but at least i know i'm not alone.
so...how do you know you have a fear of food and not a simple dislike? if you get nauseous, shaky, dizzy,  or get heart palpitations you have a fear. if you look at cottage cheese and simply say "gross", you probably just don't like it. 
what about a cure? supposedly, if you gradually expose yourself to the food you will, eventually, get over your fear. okay. no. this is not true. i have tried, on multiple occasions, to get over my fear *see above hiccup incident* and dislike. it's not happening. and i figure i lived this all these years without peanut butter in my life...i can last a few 30 or 40 more.

 do you have a food phobia? tell me about it...:)


ps...the fear of raisins. yeah. it's called inyaphobia. it's a real thing, too...

WHAT UP WEDNESDAY?

"regrets...i've had a few..."
let me preface this by saying: i love my job. i really love my job. i'm not saving the world. or lives. i'm not discovering the secrets to the universe. or creating new, and better, technology. i'm simply selling handbags. but...i have fun everyday. i make people smile everyday. i inspire "plain janes" to step out of the box a bit...everyday. i love my job.
but...this week? this week i've overextended myself. just a tad. and it's making me CRAZY!!! and making me contemplate ways to get out of work (sword swallowing, anyone?). how did i let that happen, you ask? i picked up shifts, more than quadrupling my hours for the week (yay me!!), we bought a 20 game season ticket pack to see our cincinnati reds (yay us!!), we got invited to see another reds game (yay bk's boss!!), and, then, there's all the other things that must be done on any given day (laundry, cleaning, cooking, stocking the fridge). it's only wednesday and i'm exhausted. it's only wednesday and i need a vacation. 
it happens to everyone. we look at our weekly schedule and say to ourselves "sure, i can fit that in". we pick up extra shifts, or accept invitations to parties (or ball games). we look at our calendars...at the big to dos...but don't think about all the little things we have to do.
what can you do to keep yourself from getting overextended? or, worse, wishing a foul ball would give you a concussion?

• ask for help. i don't have to do all the little things alone. i KNOW that if i would only ask the bk would walk the dog, or do some laundry.  
• don't sweat the small stuff. it can wait. you don't HAVE to dust that table today. it will still be there tomorrow. so make a list this morning of 3 things that MUST happen today. focus on getting those taken care of. 
• keep a calendar. no excuses. you have a phone with a calendar on it, use it. and stick to it. that way you'll know if dinner with friends is actually possible that day.
• learn to say no *see "keep a calendar"*. if your calendar says you're busy busy just say no. explain to your friend that dinner is impossible and try to do it another day. 
• set aside time for you.  the real reason you feel overextended is you haven't had time to yourself. you haven't been able to open that book. or play that game. or just take a nap. with no "me time" you'll go crazy, so mark it on your calendar.

                           

                       

• sword swallowing
• painting nails in the car
• a full calendar
• candy crush addiction

don't worry. be happy.

"BETTER PUT THEM IN QUOTATIONS...

...say what you need to say..."

FLASHBACK march 22, 2013

i walk in the house and the bk is on the phone. he's excited about something but refuses to say. he hands me the phone and the voice on the other end says "so. do you prefer auntie (auhntie) or auntie (antie)?" ummmm...auntie (antie) duh doy! wait? whaat?! OMG!!! 

FLASH FORWARD march 28, 2013

i get a tearful phone call. "i'm on my way to the hospital. there's bleeding." it is an ectopic pregnancy.  of course they are devastated. but, also, hopeful. the doctor is positive they will get pregnant again. 

FLASH FORWARD today

never the person to have things go smoothly, this tubal pregnancy isn't over yet. there was a surgery on march 28. there was a dose (actually 2) of chemo on april 12. and an emergency surgery on april 14 that required removing the fallopian tube. the doctor is, still, certain she will conceive again. 

i offered my support in the form of ben & jerry's ice cream and a walking dead marathon. i, also, offered to shave her head if the chemo caused hair loss (which, by the way, can happen with one dose or not at all). but i avoided all the cliche sayings: "you're young. you can try again". duh. she knows this. "i know how you feel". no. no i don't. i can't even imagine. i had 2 very normal, happy, pregnancies and 1 that was complicated but still resulted in a happy, healthy baby. "everything happens for a reason". okay. i DO believe this. but, really? i'm not sure i want to understand the reason. and the statement isn't comforting, at all. 

deaths of loved ones, cancer, loss of a pregnancy...whatever the cause, offering support and comfort can, often, be difficult. how can you know what to say (or not) or do when you've never experienced it? you can't really, because it's personal and will be different for everyone. some people are going to want all your attention. and some are going to wish you would just go away. but i do have some ideas:

• do make contact. call, visit, email...but do offer your condolences and help. the person will let you know if the help is wanted. *when offering help be specific: can i bring you a meal? don't say "how can i help?" forcing them to think about what they might need done.* 
• listen. listen but DO NOT offer advice unless they ask for it. 
• don't say "i know how you feel". even if you think you do, they are feeling their own emotions, which might be different from how you felt.
• offer real help, like running errands. or bringing food. *idea: take toilet paper, paper towels, and tissues. especially in the case of a death in the family, lots of people will be dropping by and bringing food. paper products are the last thing on the family's mind.*
• avoid the cliches: he/she is in a better place, everything happens for a reason, or it could be worse. even if you believe it to be true, these statements don't help with the grieving process. the person will come to these conclusions on their own. in their own time. 
• understand that people heal in their own time. don't push them to get on with their lives at your pace. 

^pets can be incredibly comforting^