BECAUSE IT'S THURSDAY?

"if you're happiest when you're complaining...then you're a grouch like me"

FLASHBACK january 29, 2014 (yeah, i know...huge flashback)
i'm having lunch with a friend and she mentions it's national curmudgeon day. man!! i missed it! but it gets me thinking. i know a lot of curmudgeons. i mean A LOT of curmudgeons. and i think, if you take a sec to look around you, so do you.

curmudgeon /kərˈməjən/ :  a person who is easily annoyed or angered and who often complains

we all have our moments when it seems we fit the definition but, to be an ACTUAL curmudgeon, it has to be a way of life. it has to almost make you joyous to complain. and, every morning...i mean every. single. morning...all the curmudgeons i know are spouting their annoyances and complaints on my facebook time line. how do i know they're curmudgeons and not just having a bad day? because it's always complaints. they are never, ever, happy. it's day, after day, after day of: the dog ate my homework...it's too cold/wet/cloudy outside...the sun is too bright...this fire is too warm...my bed was too comfortable...my football/baseball team didn't win...my husband/wife is breathing too loud...argh argh argh...

don't get me wrong? i love having curmudgeons in my life. although i always wonder what these people would do if they had real problems, i am completely entertained by their posts. they make me laugh. so, if you are one of my curmudgeons: keep it up, sunshine!! 

today
like i said, national curmudgeon day was yesterday. it's too late to celebrate your favorite curmudgeon...or your curmudgeonliness (i may, or may not, have just made that up)...but it's not too early to prepare for next year. so...in honor of the day, here are a few of my favorite curmudgeons. maybe they remind you of someone you know?

walt (clint eastwood)~gran torino

mickey (burgess meredith)~rocky

archie bunker (carrol o'connor)~all in the family

scrooge (reginald owen)~a christmas carol

carl (ed asner)~up

professor snape (alan rickman)~harry potter

and my all time favorite. also, proof that women can be curmudgeons:

ouiser boudreaux (shirley mcclain)~steel magnolias

HAPPY BELATED NATIONAL CURMUDGEON DAY!!

FLASHBACK 1988

REPEAT
"so help me if you can, i've got to get back to the house at pooh corner by one. you'd be surprised, there's so much to be done..." 

every morning dustin sees the commercial. a teddy bear that talks to you. a teddy bear that reads you stories. he wants one for christmas this year. the grandparents are looking for a great gift, so i tell them about teddy ruxpin. they rush out and buy one just for dustin. everyone is so excited for him to open his gift. he rips open the paper. he's so excited to see teddy. SO EXCITED!! until. he's so excited until teddy opens his mouth and talks. excitement immediately turns to terror. he will never turn teddy ruxpin on again.
FLASH FORWARD today
the teddy bear phenomenon goes back to teddy roosevelt. turns out old teddy was out hunting and was brought a bear cub. he just couldn't shoot the cub and it became known as "teddy's bear". of course, toy companies jumped on it, and the teddy bear became a staple in children's bedrooms. we all had a favorite. from winnie the pooh to paddington bear to care bears to teddy ruxpin. and, now, kids can even build their own bear at malls all over the country. teddy bears are also a source of comfort.  there are programs that provide teddy bears for kids in crisis, kids with cancer, and other worthy causes.
november 14 is national american teddy bear day. celebrate by donating a teddy bear to teddy bear cops program, stuffed animals for emergencies, toys for tots, or your local hospitals, churches, and homeless shelters.

              

 

                

                                      

not so MANIC MONDAY

 "trick or treat...trick or treat...the bitter and the sweet..."

FLASHBACK 1974
halloween. so much fun in oxnard. daddy spends the day getting the house ready for a party. an album with ghostly moans and groans plays in the background. dry ice, in an iron bucket, gives the house a fog~filled look. lil bro, queenie, and i. all dressed up for trick~or~treat. all the houses are decorated...some scarier than others. we get all the best treats. snickers. baby ruth. double bubble bubble gum. homemade cookies. and, my absolute favorite, popcorn balls!!!! mom and rikki get their wine glasses re~filled every other stop. perfect night.
FLASH FORWARD 1993
i take the kids to a carnival at school. cody had just seen "nightmare before christmas" and wants to be jack skellington. i work my tail off on his costume. it even includes jack's dog, zero, floating behind. he wins a costume contest and gets a gigantic snicker bar. i don't get pictures because i'll get them tomorrow night, with all the kids, when we go trick~or~treating. cody wakes up, the next morning. "i don't wanna be jack...i wanna be hong kong phooey." are you flippin kidding me right now?! fine. and i go about trying to make dog ears. "i don't wanna be hong kong phooey...i wanna be a ghostbuster". really?! i begin to make a proton pack. it's time to go now. cody comes out in his "barney" pajamas. ugh. he still gets the best treats. snickers. baby ruth. hubba bubba bubble gum. and homemade popcorn balls from a woman, EVERYBODY in town knows, who also offers pre~packaged candy just in case the parents are afraid she might have poisoned the popcorn. boo.
FLASH FORWARD 2009

oops! last year, i agreed to go trick~or~treating with emma. i'm a witch...she's my cat. back in july, she starts talking about what we'll be this year. i leave it completely up to her...as long as i get to be cute. the bk and i have a party after, and we're going as pirates. emma doesn't want to be a pirate. okay. i can still do this. emma calls me. "we are going as the scooby~doo gang. i'm daphne". that means...ummmmm...that means i have to be VELMA! velma is NOT cute. emma gets the best treats. snickers. baby ruth. hubba bubba bubble gum (why doesn't anyone give out double bubble anymore?). but gone are the homemade cookies. and gone, forever, are the homemade popcorn balls. 
for obvious reasons, october is halloween safety month. so, i have a few tips for you and your kids:

#1~costumes: wear well~fitting shoes, costumes, and masks. this will help avoid blocked vision, trips, and falls. swords, knives, should be short, soft, and flexible. also, there should be some reflective tape on bags and costumes...this will help drivers see you. and avoid walking near candles or luminaries so that your costume doesn't, accidentally, catch fire. and test any make~up you will use on a small area of skin. it would totally suck to remove the make~up , at the end of the night, only to find you were allergic to it the whole time. ugh. 
#2~trick~or~treating: go with a group or trusted adult. never ever ever go alone. carry a flashlight, to help others see you and to help you see. and walk, don't run. try to use sidewalks and crosswalks whenever possible. only go to well~lit houses, and never enter a home without a trusted adult. and don't forget about stranger danger! DO NOT ACCEPT RIDES FROM STRANGERS!!
#3~the treats: examine all treats before eating. look for choking hazards and tampering. if it's open, toss it. the cdc recommends only eating factory wrapped treats and avoiding homemade goodies made by strangers.

a bit of information about #3. there are millions of stories, told by your friends, that go kind of like this: my friend's sister's boyfriend's cousin's girlfriend's mom's friend's daughter's teacher's son *insert halloween urban legend here*. maybe it was poison popcorn balls, razor blade filled apples, drug laced pixie stix. i did a bit of research...the drug laced pixie stix actually happened, but, as it turns out, the father of the boy that died was the culprit. he murdered the boy, in 1974, for insurance money and made it appear to be a madman passing out the candy. the razor blades in the apples? kind of false. oh, there were reports. but no one was ever taken to the hospital with an injury. and, there is some question as to how the razor blades got there...even some reports say the parents, or child, may have done it as a hoax. so my advice here: although it's always better to err on the side of safety, don't flip out if your kid comes in eating a homemade popcorn ball you didn't realize they had. the chances that it's poisoned are really non~existent. 
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

a gallery of awesome halloween costumes:

  

               

 

                        

 

                          

 

                                            

A WEEK IN THE LIFE: INSTAGRAM EDITION

"shake it, shake, shake it, shake it like a polaroid picture..."











the past week has been all about good food, baseball, romantic walks, friendship, and pineapples.

^when pizza is healthy^

^riverboats on the ohio^

^a cardinal and her bk^

^ducks on a pond^

^haunted riverboats...it's a thing^

^big brother is watching you^

^beer and cookies are a good thing^

^everything is better in a pineapple glass^

^it was a hot and sunny day at the reds' game^

^yellow watermelon...a delicious and healthy treat^

happy instagramming!!

SUNDAY COMICS

"do your boobs hang low? do they wobble to and fro? can you tie 'em in a knot? can you tie 'em in a bow?"

FLASHBACK 2007/08 (my sources are a little sketchy here because...well...they're raelians and that's just weird)

claude vorilhon...who prefers to be called rael because he is, in fact, the leader of the raelians (which are members of the ufo religion called the raelian movement...which, i think, requires a whole other blog post)...starts an annual event called "go topless". the idea is simple. women are being oppressed because it's illegal for them to walk around town topless even though they're male counterparts can do as they please. never-mind that women really don't want to see moobies. 

FLASH FORWARD today

tomorrow is women's equality day, celebrating the day women earned the right to do something ACTUALLY worth while...vote. so, today, there will be protests all over the country, in an attempt to get women another right. the right to bare breasts. women will be topless (although most will wear pasties because the don't want to get arrested) and men are encouraged to cover their moobs with pasties or bras. i will be at a baseball game. with my top on. why? because great american ballpark is NOT st tropez. 

now, if you are interested in going around your city showing off your tatas, you can check out gotopless.org for more information. personally, i believe we should protest men's right to bare chests because...let's face it...unless you're channing tatum, you should probably keep your shirt on. 

ps...if you choose to go topless today understand that i'm not judging you. unless you have disgusting moobies. then, i am. i am totally judging you. 

WHAT UP WEDNESDAY

FLASHBACK november 2012
i blogged, word for word, the following:

"you put your chocolate in my peanut butter...you put your chocolate in my peanut butter"
FLASHBACK 2002
i haven't always been terrified of peanut butter. oh. i've always hated peanut butter. HATED peanut butter. but not AFRAID peanut butter. why do i hate peanut butter? it doesn't taste like peanuts. AT ALL. it looks like it belongs in a baby diaper. seriously. and it grows when you put it in mouth. yes, it does!! it grows and gets stuck on the roof of your mouth...and then you can't swallow. or breathe. and you think you're gonna die. you think i'm exaggerating. i am not. but, as much as i hate peanut butter, i was never afraid of it...until. until my kids saw a very special clip from cky, the guys that, eventually, brought us jackass. that clip, "rake yohn hates mustard", inspired them to attack me with peanut butter. it started with a simple finger of peanut butter to the face. GROSS!!! then, the onslaught began. walk in the house...get a face full of peanut butter. walk out of the bathroom...get a face full of peanut butter. stand at the stove, cooking dinner...get a face full of peanut butter. i. am now. legitimately. afraid of peanut butter.
FLASH FORWARD september 2010
i have the hiccups. it's horrible. bridgette says "a spoonful of peanut butter will get rid of them." i am not letting peanut butter anywhere near me. "fine. just sit over there hiccuping." ugh! this is super annoying! so...i suck it up. jamie covers my eyes and bridgette sticks a spoonful of peanut butter in my mouth. it tastes HORRIBLE!! i start crying. the hiccups go away. "see! we told you it would work!" it only worked because i was AFRAID i was going to choke to death!!

FLASH FORWARD august 16~17,2013
i make a batch of peanut butter cookies, for the bk, and blog about my experience and the recipe. the recipe makes 4 dozen cookies, and there are only two of us. only one of us is weird enough to eat them, so i take most of them to work. the questions begin: why don't you like peanut butter? you can't eat it at all?!! WHAT?! what do you mean you're scared of it?! turns out, i'm not the only person with a fear of food. we start a list. first, cottage cheese. cottage cheese makes the list three times. THREE?!  i'll admit i hate cottage cheese. HATE IT!! but scared of it? why is it scary? all three women point out it's slimy. and lumpy. and just plain gross. one says she can't eat stouffer's lasagna because the ricotta cheese reminds her of cottage cheese. then, anchovies. again, i hate anchovies. HATE THEM. they're salty. and fishy. and ruin a perfectly good pizza. but i'm not scared of them. when i ask why they're scary all the girl does is shudder. the next response? raisins. RAISINS? what? why? 
"because they look like bugs. bugs." omg!! THEY DO!! they do look like bugs!! ack!! 

turns out, i'm not alone in my food phobia. it's a thing.  cibophobia is the fear of food, in general. it is, often, confused with anorexia because people who suffer cibophobia will be seen avoiding foods. they usually avoid foods that they consider risky, like mayonnaise. why is mayo risky? it can spoil. can you imagine a mouthful of spoiled mayo? bleck. i avoid peanut butter for ALL the reasons mentioned above. and, i learned i suffer from arachibutyrophobia, the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth. there is no name for the other reasons i'm scared of peanut butter. but at least i know i'm not alone.
so...how do you know you have a fear of food and not a simple dislike? if you get nauseous, shaky, dizzy,  or get heart palpitations you have a fear. if you look at cottage cheese and simply say "gross", you probably just don't like it. 
what about a cure? supposedly, if you gradually expose yourself to the food you will, eventually, get over your fear. okay. no. this is not true. i have tried, on multiple occasions, to get over my fear *see above hiccup incident* and dislike. it's not happening. and i figure i lived this all these years without peanut butter in my life...i can last a few 30 or 40 more.

 do you have a food phobia? tell me about it...:)


ps...the fear of raisins. yeah. it's called inyaphobia. it's a real thing, too...

A WEEK IN THE LIFE: INSTAGRAM EDITION

"all i want is a photo in my wallet...a small remembrance of something more solid...all i want is a picture of you..." 

^always trick or treat at our place^

^when all the mexican restaurants are unexplainably closed^

^funny surprises from funny friends^

^saturday nights are for sangria and goat cheese^

^hydration is important^

^summer storms bring beautiful skies^

^baking can be fun^

happy instagraming!!