FLASHBACK summer of 1979

"every bond you break every step you take...i'll be watching you..."
i ride my bike across town to meet up with my joyce court girls. every day. and, every day, i pass the same places...the dairy treat...the car wash...the race track. and, every day, i see the same familiar faces. now kat and i are walking back to my house. we've stopped in town and said hi to mama...we've gotten some rock candy at the village ice cream parlor...we are thinking about going to the y. a jeep pulls up. a strange man is telling me i'm pretty. kat and i joke about how creepy he is. we see him the next day. and the day after that. and the day after that. he doesn't know my name. he calls me michigan...i am wearing my lil bro's michigan jersey (sorry bridgette...it was a temporary lapse in judgement).
FLASH FORWARD summer of 1980
it starts all over again. only this time he thinks my name is kathy??? oooohhhh!!!! i'm wearing kat's shirt and her name is on the back!!! ugh!! YOU are such a CREEP!!!
FLASH FORWARD summer of 1981
yep. he's baaaccckkk!! but kat sees him at the car wash. we avoid going by there. he still finds us...walking to my house...walking around colony square...walking to see my mama.
FLASH FORWARD summer of 1982
i have my driver's license. he can't bother me anymore. i'm not stupid...i NEVER take the car to his car wash.

FLASH FORWARD october 2012
the bk gets a phone call from someone he dated. we don't think anything of it. a few weeks later, he is out of town on business and i get a call from a blocked number. just breathing and hang up. i think someone is trying to scare me. it doesn't work in the middle of the day, moron, try it again later!! it happens again the next day. hello? jacka$$...remember how we're adults now? ha! 
FLASH FORWARD november 2012
an "unverified text" comes thru. whoever this person is, they want to date the bk again. what? i don't know who you are, but you aren't very smart...you added your phone number to the text! i forward the message to the bk and after some sleuthing...the bk could put sherlock holmes to shame...we identify the culprit. bk sends a strongly worded text "blah blah blah...leave us alone...blah blah blah...we will get the police involved if necessary...blah blah blah". of course she responds "i don't know what you're talking about...blah blah blah...*insert crazy bish psychobabble here*...". we block her number. she won't be bothering us again. i still have questions: how did she get MY number? does she know where we live? is she just a little koo koo bananas? or is she charlie manson psychotic?

^not the ACTUAL text^

FLASH FORWARD today
in the '70s and '80s, they didn't have a name for it. we were told stories about men in vans offering candy and puppies to small children...but creeping on teenage girls as they walk thru town? that didn't happen...it did, we just didn't talk about it. now it's called stalking...AND it's against the law. january is national stalking awareness month. here are some important facts you should know about stalking:

• 1 in 4 women, and 1 in 13 men, have reported being a victim of stalking in their lifetime.
• the majority of stalking victims are stalked by someone they know.
• 1 in 5 females, and 1 in 14 males, experience stalking between the ages of 11 and 17.
• 2/3 of stalkers pursue their victims at least once per week.
• stalking is a crime in all 50 states, although, less than 1/3 classify it as a felony for first offenders.
• the fear of not knowing what may happen causes anxiety, insomnia, and time lost from work.
•  54% of femicide (the act of murdering a woman) victims reported stalking to the police before being murdered by their stalkers.
• technology has made it easier than ever for stalkers to harass their victims. facebook, twitter, email, and texting are all ways to contact the victim. 

what can you do to protect yourself? the national center for victims of crime suggests: 

• a safety plan that includes a log of all contact...emails, texts, phone calls, gifts...to be used as evidence
• have a phone nearby at all times
• treat all threats seriously and contact police
• vary your routine: routes to work/school, when/where you shop, and limit time spent alone.
• get a new, unlisted, number...but leave the old number active and allow all calls to go to voice mail for screening (and evidence).
• consider getting a restraining order.
• DO NOT interact with your stalker.
• trust your instincts. if you don't feel safe, find a way to make your location safe or leave. 

don't be a victim...arm yourself with knowledge!

resources:

national stalking awareness month

victimsofcrime.org

stalking information for teens

a few months have passed, and no contact from koo koo bananas ex~girlfriend...oops! bk insists "she was NOT my GIRLFRIEND"...her number is blocked, but we haven't run into her at any local hot spots, she hasn't tried to contact us thru email or facebook or twitter...it's safe to say that's over. and my high school stalker? kat and i finally learned his name (10 years later) and it's safe to say that, 30 years later, he won't recognize me. and if he does, he'll call me buckeye...cuz i will never EVER be seen in a michigan jersey!

FLASHBACK 1981~1982

"done looking for the critics 'cause they're everywhere...they don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair..."

she's walking thru the halls like a miniature terminator...angry...determined...looking for a fight. "get outta my way you fat cow!! i would kill myself if my a$$ was that big!" "learn from your parent's mistake...use birth control". most of the people could take care of themselves. but the special ed kids...they didn't have witty comebacks...and they couldn't fight. so, one day, i'm walking behind her and watch her push a girl into the lockers. i snap. i push her and tell her to leave the girl alone. well...that's BASICALLY what i said...i don't remember word for word and i'm sure it was a little more colorful...okay! okay!...A LOT more colorful, but that is basically what i said. OOPS! i spend the next school year being terrorized by ummmmm....let's call her *regina*. she's pushing me into lockers. she's calling me names. she's jumping me in the restroom. i fight back...i fight back every time...she backs off. for a little while. then she realizes something. i can't fight back in my cheerleading uniform. so she's lurking in the halls after games waiting for the moment i can't get her back....

FLASH FORWARD february 2012
"sheldon: you did it, leonard! you stood up to your bully! leonard:  Yeah, I feel pretty good about myself. You think we can outrun him? sheldon: i don't need to outrun him. i just need to outrun you!" 
the bk and i are watching "big bang theory"...it just happens to be an episode about bullying...my phone buzzes on the table between us. facebook message: *regina* has requested you as a friend. what?!! are you flippin kidding me?!! i don't deny requests, usually. seriously? does it hurt you, at all, being facebook friends with people you never even knew went to your high school? no. it doesn't. but *regina*? i had vowed that would be a request i would deny. but, when i got it, i thought: is it fair to assume she hadn't changed? so i debated. and debated. and debated. i asked betsy if she had talked to her as an adult. b "i have...she hasn't changed a bit". m "am i being childish if i deny her?". b "you don't need that in your life". IGNORE! 
FLASH FORWARD today
"i wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... i wish i could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy"
bullying has changed a lot since 1981. back then we had "your mama" jokes and "fat" jokes and fists. today, even though they have all those things, they also have the internet. they have facebook...and twitter...and youtube. today's bully can humiliate you on a global scale. but communities are rallying around the bullied...most recently, a teen nominated for homecoming court, as a prank, was escorted to the game in a hummer limo. her dress, hair styling, and make-up all donated by local businesses. she was even cheered on by the opposing team. click here to view her story.
october is bullying prevention month...and october 3rd is national mean girls day (sadly, i'm a day late)...
tips to prevent bullying:
#1~respond calmly, without losing your temper. giving in to your temper just gives the bully what they want.
#2~don't let them see you sweat. confidence is key. it sounds corny, but it really is true. if the bully doesn't think they are getting to you, they will move on. 
#3~stand by each other. if you witness bullying, and do nothing, then you are part of the problem.
#4~remember that bullying doesn't just happen in school or to students. it can happen in the workplace. it can happen on facebook. it can happen to you.
#5~try to remember this really isn't about you. it sounds cliche, but the bully really is the one with the problem.

           

 

1. heathers~the original mean girls
2. mean girls~how did they get a national day and heathers didn't?