FLASHBACK sometime in 1992

"eloquent profanity, it rolls right off my tongue"
it's a gloomy day in upstate new york. i'm cleaning house and cody is watching "the elephant show". i open the drapes. the two year old toddles to the window and says "oh S&%T! it's raining!". ummmmm...i'm super excited because it's his first full sentence. and i'm completely mortified because it's his first full sentence. clearly, i need to watch my mouth in front of the kids. yeah. that's NOT going to happen.
FLASH FORWARD 2010
my nieces and i are in line at king's island. abby and madison are picking on emma. i look over just in time to see her flip the bird (the universal sign of love in our family). EMMA!!! "what? i was just telling her i love her?!!". welp....at least we know she retains information.

FLASH FORWARD today
today is earmuffs day. I KNOW it's to honor the anniversary of the patent some guy with giant ears (chester greenwood) got on his invention in 1877. however, i'm choosing to honor the 10 year tradition, brought to us by vince vaughn, of yelling "earmuffs" when we plan to say something in front of our kids that, maybe, they shouldn't hear.
it's really easy to say "you shouldn't use that language in front of children". but let's say you stub your toe really hard on the coffee table. are you really going to look around and check for little ears before you let out a very loud "F&%K!!!!!!!!" (or, maybe, you'll just say "d*&m" because you aren't, actually, a sailor)? no. no you're not. also, they are going to hear it a million other places (school, tv, movies, video games) so watching your mouth isn't, necessarily, going to prevent them from learning and using foul language. so, how do you prevent your child from swearing? you could search google for advice. there you will find all kinds of articles about how horrible it is for kids to talk like this. articles that say you should give them words to use instead. what? look. i taught 2 year old cody to say "sugar"...it worked, until he went to school. i say, listen to someone a little less uptight. like me!

• don't make a HUGE deal out of what the kid said. getting angry, or laughing, or immediately punishing the child will only make the word(s) more powerful. flip out and your kid is going to say "s$%t" every time (s)he wants your attention.
• talk to your kid about when that language is or isn't appropriate. maybe you think it's never appropriate. or, maybe, you think it's okay when you are extremely angry. kids aren't stupid. talk to them, rationally, and they will understand. my kids knew their boundaries. of course they used that language, but never at school, or church, or anywhere it might offend someone. 
• be more concerned with the messages of ALL the words we speak, and the tone we use when we speak them. i'm more concerned with words that sound judgmental, gossipy, or condescending. 

or, you could just yell "EARMUFFS!" right before you let the f~word fly.

^one of cody's favorite shows...no profanity included^

^"earmuff it for me"^

FLASHBACK 1956

"i'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world...life in plastic, it's fantastic!" 
ruth handler takes a trip to europe with her children. she discovers a german doll named bild lilli, a blond bombshell that knows what she wants and will do whatever it takes to get it. lilli is marketed to adults, but little girls love her. so ruth takes lilli to her husband who, by an act of SHEER coincidence, just happens to be the cofounder of mattel! KABOOM!! barbie's born. 
FLASH FORWARD march 9, 1959
barbie (named after ruth's daughter) makes her debut at the american international toy fair. she wears a  black and white striped swimsuit and signature top knot. she is available as a blond or a brunette. AND she has a backstory. she is the daughter of george and margaret roberts of willows, wisconsin. because, you know, everybody needs a backstory. everybody. needs. a backstory.
FLASH FORWARD 1961
barbie meets ken. they have off and on relationships in the minds of little girls everywhere. for eternity. i don't believe they can ever truly be happy.
FLASH FORWARD march 9, 2009
barbie turns 50. AND she still looks fabulous. boo. 
FLASH FORWARD today
barbie turns 54 today. and she remains the leading fashion doll with, roughly, 946 million dolls sold every year. how will you celebrate barbie's birthday? i'm thinking pink cupcakes, dressing like a starlet, and going out and conquering my little corner of the world. won't you join me?

                  
 

FLASHBACK november 2012

"when i see your face...there's not a thing that i would change...'cause you're amazing just the way you are..."
a couple comes in with a broken handbag. "this is the first purse i ever bought that cost as much as a car payment! i can't believe the strap is already broken! and, i took it back to the store i bought it at, and she said she couldn't help me...but there has to be a way...i've only had this purse two months" i am positive i can help them. she has no receipt. she has no tag. she can't remember which credit card she used. one hour, and a bunch of laughs, later, she walks out with a brand new bag. five minutes later, a manager approaches me and tells me that she was stopped by a couple that gushed about their amazing experience...told her i was a truly magical person...and vowed to only shop at our store, even though it's  30 miles farther from home than our closest store. i float on a cloud the rest of my shift. who knew that a compliment would hold THAT kind of power? 
*special note: i, also, diagnosed the problem with the bag. during shipping, the handbags are carefully wrapped and taped, and it takes incredible feats of strength to unwrap them. someone had used a box cutter to slit the tape and had slit the strap on both ends. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS look over your handbag (designer or otherwise) and look for nicks, slits, or scratches.* 
FLASH FORWARD today
yes. it's nice to be recognized for our hard work, or our new look, or our sense of humor. but the power of a compliment is often overlooked. a japanese study found that compliments can improve performance in every aspect, from school to social life to the workplace. *participants were required to complete a finger sequence on a keyboard as fast as they could in 30 seconds. one group received compliments, one group watched as other members were complimented, and one group rated their own performance. the group that received compliments improved their performance the following day.* compliments actually stimulate the same part of the brain (the striatum) that is activated when cash is given, prompting us to work harder. hmmmmm......
today is world compliment day. the idea behind it? much like valentine's day, secretary's day, or mother's day, it's a day to let the people in your life KNOW you appreciate them. no cards. no gifts. just a compliment. it's free. and it will make you both feel good.

^never underestimate a pat on the head^